The Missing Years - a kissing booth fan fiction

Fire

Noah

It takes me a moment when I wake up to remember, but when I do, I can't keep the smile off my face. Jesus. Amazing didn't really begin to describe it. Mind-blowing maybe. Neither of us had held anything back, that's for sure.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about being with Elle over the years, and I'd had a wild thought or two when I'd first seen her in that red dress last night, but I never imagined it could be like that. Images flicker through my mind. Elle, looking at me when I'd opened the door. Elle, kneeling at my feet. Elle, below me, her eyes half closed. Elle, above me, her head thrown back. Elle, beside me, falling asleep.

My musings are interrupted by the sight of a folded piece of paper propped up on the bedside table next to me. Stupidly, I roll over to check for Elle in the bed next to me, but she's not there. Huh? I roll back and grab the note, sitting up in the bed.

Noah

That really was my best birthday ever.
No regrets, no expectations.

Elle x

What. The. Fuck.

Is she for real? Is she expecting to just disappear without an explanation? No fucking way.

I throw on jeans and a t-shirt and shove my feet into some shoes, grabbing my room key card on the way out the door. I knock on her door and wait. There's a moment where I think she's not there, that she's already left, and then the door slowly opens revealing a freshly showered Elle in a pale blue sundress. For a split second I get flashbacks of her in the shower last night and I shake my head to clear the image from my mind.

"Care to explain this?" I ask quietly, holding up the note.

Elle stands aside and I step into her room.

"Noah, I think it was pretty self-explanatory."

"Really? Well I guess I must be stupid then, because I don't get it." I feel like I'm looming over her, so I lean back against the wall. Elle retreats to lean against the desk.

"What's there to get? We're two consenting adults who had sex, Noah. I wanted you, you wanted me, it was amazing, but that's it."

"Wow. So that was really just a hook-up to you?" I am completely bewildered by her attitude right now.

"Of course not. It was you." Elle says this quietly, looking her feet.

"Then what were you expecting to happen today?"

"I guess I figured you would go your way and I would go mine. What we did last night doesn't change anything."

"Come on, Elle, you can't tell me you didn't feel anything last night, that you don't have feelings for me. I don't believe that."

She looks up at me then, eyes bright. "Of course I felt it, of course I still have feelings for you, but all the reasons we broke up before are still there."

"Elle I still love you."

"Noah, you don't even know me. Not really."

I push away from the wall at that. "What are you talking about? I've known you your whole life."

"No. We knew each other when we were kids and once you were a teenager you pretty much avoided me. Then we had a relationship for 18 months, most of which you were on the other side of the country for, and now we've barely spoken for nearly 3 years. You know the 18 year old version of me, Noah. I'm not that girl anymore. I don't want to be her. She was stupid and reckless, and she hurt people." Elle's getting angry now. Well good, so am I.

"Oh yeah? And what do you think you're doing now?" I all but spit the words.

Elle looks at me like I've just slapped her, and I feel bad for a second, but damn it, she's pushing me away and it hurts.

I take a deep breath and try a different tack. "Elle, I'd like to get to know you now. As you are now. It kills me that I don't know you, who you've become. I know it will take time..."

She smiles at me a little ruefully, shaking her head. "Noah, we don't have time."

"What? What do you mean?" I'm getting a bad feeling here.

Elle starts to say something, then stops, shaking her head. "Noah, think about it. You're just about to start law school. In Boston. Which is amazing. You've worked so hard for years to get there. But you're going to be busier than ever. You're not even going to have summers off, with internships and everything."

"Elle we can make this work, plenty of people make it work. We can phone, you can visit, I can come back home to visit you...."

"Noah, I'm not going to be around. By the end of summer, I'll be gone."

"Elle, what are you talking about?" I take a step towards her.

She doesn't answer right away, just sighs and looks off to the side. I'm starting to get really worried now, adrenalin punching through me.

"Elle are you sick?"

She looks up at me sharply, horrified. "No! No, why would you think that? I'm not sick!"

"Well then what are you talking about?"

"I'm going overseas. I've got the opportunity to study abroad, in Scotland of all places. Abertay University has an amazing exchange program for game design and I was selected to go. I just found out last week. I leave at the end of summer for 12 months."

"Well, that's great Elle. Congratulations." I am still at a loss here.

"Thank you. But do you see now why this can't work? We were so bad at long distance before and this will be so much worse. If last night hadn't happened, would you have wanted to be with me? Would you have wanted us to get back together?"

I swallow. "I didn't come here this weekend with an agenda, Elle. But last night did happen. We can't take that back."

"No, we can't. But the truth is, we each need to put ourselves first and go become who we're supposed to be. This thing between us Noah, I'm not sure if it's meant to be anything more than what we've already shared. But the only way we'd ever know for sure is by giving it, giving each other, the time and patience we both deserve. I don't want just the small part of you that you'd be able to give me now, and you shouldn't want that from me either."

"That may be true Elle, but you knew all of this before you turned up at my door last night. You could have just let me go and I would have been none the wiser. But you showed me exactly how good we could be together and now you're just taking it all away." I am seething now; I feel betrayed by the one person I've ever loved.

"Noah it doesn't have to be like this between us. We just shared something incredible." She's looking at me with those big eyes, pleading for me to understand, but I'm having none of it.

"Well it was incredible to me Elle, but apparently it meant nothing to you. You fucking used me." I grind out the last words because my jaw is clenched.

I walk out on her, letting the door slam behind me. I'm so angry, it feels like there's a fire inside me, burning me alive from the inside out.

Author's Note: I know, I know. This sucks. But I never believed the original breakup was enough to keep them apart for six years, but there had to be a gap for it to be a long time before they saw each other again. I figured something massive had to get in the way - so this is it. I promise I'm not going to drag out the next three years before the reunion. Please stick with me!