The Missing Years - a kissing booth fan fiction

Ice

Elle

Lee knows something is up when he comes to my room to get me for lunch before we head off. I let him think it's just that I don't want to say goodbye to our friends, that I don't want to talk about leaving. Just about everyone is there, having a final cocktail by the pool before going to the airport to head home to their respective cities. Noah and Chloe are absent, and Lee tells me they left to catch their flight already. It's a relief, because I sure don't want to end up having a repeat of that fight here in front of my friends. There is laughter as people tell stories about funny things that happened over the weekend and it's nice to see all our little separate circles of friends getting on so well.

What is more interesting though, is how relaxed Lee and Rachel seem to be together. They'd always been friendly enough towards one another once the initial hurt wore off, sending the occasional message or commenting on social media, but now they're actually talking. I guess sometimes things really do work out for the best. I make a mental note to talk to Lee about that later. All too soon it's time to go and there are hugs and kisses all around, promises to catch up again soon.

Lee and I drive back to LA the following day so he can return the car to his dad's friend - thankfully without so much as a scratch. We spend a few days at our separate houses before heading down to the beach house for a few weeks, to cram in as much bestie time as possible before I leave. Lee shows me the sketches he's drawn up to redevelop the place and I can't help but be amazed by his talent.

"Lee, these are incredible!"

"Naw, thanks Shelly," he looks secretly pleased with himself.

"I mean I know you're majoring in architecture, but these are crazy good," I enthuse.

"Yeah, well, I was inspired. I guess it got stuck in my head when Mom and Dad were looking at selling the place and everyone was talking about the redevelopment along the shore. I just thought maybe there was a way to build on what was already here, instead of tearing everything down."

I look at Lee then, marvelling at how far he's come since high school. "You're kind of brilliant, you know that right?"

"Of course, I'm a freakin' genius!" he says, like he wonders how I ever could've doubted him.

I swat him with the back of my hand and before long we're chasing each other around like we're kids again. I finally catch him and push him towards the pool, but he grabs onto me and pulls me in with him. That's how we end up in the water fully clothed, laughing like the idiots we still are with each other. I'm really going to miss him.

I don't let myself think of Noah the whole summer. I don't let myself think about him on the long flight to Scotland, or during my orientation. I make a box inside my mind and I put the memories of that night and the next day in it and lock it tight. I stow it all away so that it won't overwhelm me.

I settle into student housing. It's set up kind of like Lee's dorm at Berkeley, where we each have a separate bedroom off the shared living area. The difference is we actually have a small kitchen, too. My flatmates Sophie, Robyn and Caitlin are all technology majors of one kind or another. Caitlin is in most of my classes, as is her twin brother Callum. They're from Edinburgh and I find I can understand them fine, until they've had a few drinks - then I just give up and laugh along anyway. Sophie's from London and her accent is pretty similar to Chloe's, so it's not a problem. Robyn's from the west of Scotland and her accent takes me a little longer to get used to. They claim to be able to understand me just fine thanks to all the American media they've grown up with, but still make fun of me for some of the words I use.

They're all so nice though and everyone at the university has been super welcoming. The lecturers they have here are brilliant and the workload is pretty intense, which I'm thankful for, because it keeps me from having too much down time to think. The exchange program coordinator helped me find a part time job at the restaurant in the museum down by the waterfront, which is excellent since it leaves my nights mainly free to explore Dundee with my new friends and engage in their main social activity here, drinking at one of the many pubs. They're all pretty seasoned because the legal drinking age is 18, so I definitely have some catching up to do. My confession that I'd never drunk whisky seemed to mortally offend Callum, so he's taken it upon himself to educate me.

The fact that I've played soccer (correction football) and actually know all the rules has won me a lot of points, though. I have yet to pick a team to support here because they all take it extremely seriously and I don't want to alienate anyone. I miss Lee of course and the time difference made for a few comical FaceTime calls at odd hours to begin with, but we soon worked out that I could catch him at lunchtime most days.

It's not until Noah's birthday that I let myself think of him. I knew I couldn't keep it all bottled up forever, but the truth is, it was easier to avoid thoughts of him here, where I can't picture him everywhere and nothing reminds me of him. Of course I don't contact him, I'm fairly sure he hates me now. But I think of him and wonder what he might be doing. Based on the time difference, he's probably sleeping right now. I can picture exactly how he looks, one arm stretched out, the other curled in against his chest. I give in and retrieve my not quite empty suitcase from under the bed. In it I find the photo I couldn't bear to leave behind, the one of the three of us at the beach house.

Sophie finds me sitting on my bed, tracing my fingers around the frame, silently sobbing. She comes over and sits next to me, putting her arm around my shoulders.

"It's okay to feel homesick, you know? The first year I was here, I cried all the time. At least I could go home for weekends if I really needed to. It must be harder for you, being so far away. I'll make you a cup of tea, yeah?"

I nod and try to smile at her. "Thanks Soph," I snivel.

I feel like a fraud for accepting her kindness. The truth is, I'm not homesick, I'm ashamed. So ashamed that I carelessly hurt the one person I've ever truly loved and who I know loved me in return. I feel the regret settle like ice in my veins.