The Missing Years - a kissing booth fan fiction

Connection

Elle

It was the day before Lee and my 20th birthdays and I was just finishing up my dinner shift at Dunes. I had slid right back into the groove here and it felt good to be back in familiar surroundings. Lee was coming to pick me up so that I could hang out with him and Alyssa a little bit before tomorrow's party. I got changed and freshened up in the bathrooms, brushing my hair out. Thankfully tonight's shift had not involved me slipping over or getting covered in food, so I wasn't looking too worse for wear. I checked my phone and saw I had three missed calls from Lee. That couldn't be a good sign. I dialled his number and he answered immediately, already babbling.

"Elle! I'm so sorry I can't come get you, Alyssa's flight got delayed, I'm still at the airport."

Great. "Lee, Lee, it's fine, really. I'll just phone my dad to come get me."

"No, it's fine, I made other arrangements. Just don't be mad at me, okay?"

"Mad? Why would I be mad?" Oh. There was only one reason Lee would think I would be mad at his choice of replacement driver. Noah.

"Elle, he offered and it wasn't like I had a lot of options. Mom and Dad were too busy getting ready for the party tomorrow."

"Lee, it's fine. Don't worry about it. We're fine."

"Okay, great. So I'll probably just see you tomorrow then, okay?"

"Of course, yeah. Say hi to Alyssa for me."

"I will. When she finally gets here anyway."

"Okay, byeee."

"Byeeee." Lee hung up and I leant my forehead against my locker. Things with Noah were okay, but it wasn't like we were exactly on such great terms that being in a car alone was going to be normal.

I took a deep breath and walked outside to the parking lot. There he was, leaning against his Jeep, head down, hands in his pockets. He looked as incredible as ever, of course. He must have heard my footsteps on the gravel because his head came up and he looked straight at me, giving me a nervous half-smile. Maybe this was as weird for him as it was for me. That thought kind of made me feel a little better, and I smiled back.

"Um, Lee couldn't make it-" Noah started to say.

I held up my hand, "Yeah, he called me. He's still at the airport."

"Okay, well I hope you don't mind me giving you a ride home." He kicked the gravel with his shoe and looked down again. It was strange to see him so unsure of himself.

"Of course not. Thanks for coming to get me." I couldn't help but be a little bit glad and also I wanted him to feel better. Old habits die hard I guess.

"No worries. Actually, do you need to go home right away?" He looked up at me again. "I was wondering if we could take a walk first?"

Really Noah Flynn? A walk?

"No, I'd planned to hang out with Lee and Alyssa tonight, so I have some time. A walk would be fine." As if I could say no to him.

"Great," he smiled. "Here, give me your backpack, I'll put it in the car."

"Thanks," I said as I handed it to him.

We went down to the sand and started walking along the beach near the water's edge. It was a full moon and this would have been romantic, once upon a time anyway.

"So," he began, "How's school going?"

"It's great, but it felt like a really long year, you know?" Noah nodded and I continued. "I guess it was my first full year of classes and I didn't realise how tiring it would be. But I love my course."

He looked at me then. "I'm glad."

"I guess I never really thanked you," I said quietly.

He stopped walking. "Thanked me?" he sounded surprised.

"You know, for giving me the push I needed. To pick something for myself. School, I mean." I dug in the sand with my foot.

"Listen Elle, I'm glad you found what you want to do. I'm glad you're enjoying school. But there were a hundred other ways you could have got to that decision."

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Look I'm not trying to change how things are now, but I want you to know how much I regret the way I handled things that summer."

"Really?" I couldn't help but feel like I had stepped into some alternate universe.

"Really. I was so stupid Elle. I made everything so much harder than it had to be. Not just at the end, but right from the start." Noah ran his hands through his hair. I said nothing, just stood there with my arms crossed, hugging myself.

"I should have never agreed when you wanted to keep us secret from Lee. I should have told him how I felt about you as soon as I figured it out. He's my brother and that was my responsibility, Elle. But when he did find out, I should never have left you to face it alone. When I think about all those times I left, when I should have stayed...." He looked away, out at the water, hands in his pockets again, shoulders hunched in on himself.

Regardless of the fact that he'd broken my heart, it still killed me to see him this way.

"Hey," I said, putting my hand on his arm. "I'm not going to say it was okay, but we got past it."

He turned back towards me. "Yeah, we did. But I kept stuffing it up, Elle. Over and over again. The pressure I put on you to go to Harvard with me, suggesting we move in together... I just wanted you with me so badly. But that was all about me, what I wanted. If I had just talked to you, asked you what you wanted...things might have been so different. I guess that's the point really. We never had those big conversations. We just got angry and upset and I would take off, shut you out. When really I should have stayed. Faced the music, had the conversation after the argument. Sorted things through together. Instead of me making decisions for us and telling you about them."

I was dumbfounded. I really didn't know what to say.

"Look Elle, I guess I just wanted to tell you that I know I did wrong by you and I want you to know that you never deserved any of that. You deserved better. I wish I could go back and do things differently." He looked up at the sky for a moment and when he looked back at me I realised there were tears in his eyes. "But I can't. I know you've moved on and you're happy. You're doing what you always should have been doing. But I had to tell you. I didn't want you to think that you were to blame for any of it."

Moved on? He must mean Josh...obviously Lee's no information passing policy goes both ways if Noah doesn't know that we broke up.

"Noah," I start, then stop. I don't want to talk about Josh with him. "Thank you, for all of that. I mean it. It means a lot. But I made mistakes too, you know." He starts to interrupt me, but I put my hand on his chest to stop him. "I didn't know what I was doing either. I kept too much to myself, instead of just talking to you about it. I made a lot of situations worse by lying about things when I should have just been honest. I was scared of losing you, and it made me do some really stupid things."

Noah gave me a half smile. "I guess we were both idiots, huh?" He smirked then, "But I was definitely worse."

I couldn't help but laugh, "Yeah okay, you win the competition of biggest idiot."

"Thanks, Shelly."

His use of my nickname has me feeling a little nostalgic and I decide to push my luck a little further. "Come here," I tell him, holding my arms out for a hug.

Noah takes half a step forward and wraps his arms around me, holding me tight.

"Are we okay?" He whispers near my ear.

"Yeah, we're okay." I stay in place for a second longer, enjoying this little moment of connection with him before I let my arms drop. Noah lets me go and we turn to walk back up the beach.