The Missing Years - a kissing booth fan fiction

Bonus - Two

Noah

I hate this. I fucking hate this. The way everyone outside of work, even my own kids, is constantly disappointed by me. The worst part is, they have every right to be. There's a lot of stuff I don't get to and, if by some miracle, I do, I'm usually late.

Like Elle's high school reunion last week. I busted my ass trying to get there on time, but couldn't even manage to do that for her. The worst part is the way she just seemed happy that I made it at all. It kills me that she's lowered her expectations so much, that she expects so little of me.

I never meant for it to be like this. Maybe that was naïve of me, of both of us, really, to think that our lives wouldn't turn out exactly like everyone else's, that we would be the exception to the rule. We've become a fucking cliché and it's killing us. God, if my 18 year old self could see me now, he'd probably kick my ass.

As it is, my ass is currently being chewed out by my brother during our weekly lunch together. We've grown closer over the years, but as we sit in my big office with its ridiculous view over the city, he's firmly back in Elle's corner.

"You can't keep doing this, Noah, something's got to change," Lee says, running his hands through his hair.

"I know," I tell him quietly, pushing away my food. "But what? I'm a partner here, Lee. I can't just decide to cut my hours, it doesn't work that way. I've got a team of associates to run."

"Is this what you want, though?" he asks, gesturing around us.

"What? To be a lawyer? The seven years of school and 15 years of practice would suggest so, yeah."

Lee doesn't buy my sorry attempt at deflection and pins me with a look.

"Are you really gonna do this for the next 20 years? What are you trying to prove, man?"

"I'm not trying to prove anything!"

"Sure? Because why else would you be working yourself to the bone, making yourself and your family miserable?"

It's a low blow, but it's probably deserved. The look on Cody's face as he put his arm around Ally on Saturday morning haunts me. I'd missed the start of her soccer game after going in to the office to finish up some stuff I didn't get done on Friday before the reunion. When she'd asked me afterwards if I'd seen her score her goal, I'd hadn't answered directly.

"You were awesome, sweetheart," I smiled at her overjoyed face, tugging on one of her braids.

She was bouncing with excitement, but Cody had glared at me like I was the biggest asshole in the world. At all of nine, he's very protective of his younger siblings and perceptive to a fault. And also not my greatest fan anymore. I can't pinpoint when that changed, exactly, but of all the things wrong right now, that one hurts sharply. The one thing I told myself wouldn't happen is coming true.

When my son was born, I promised him that we wouldn't be like my dad and I were when I was a teen. That I wouldn't let that distance grow between us when he got older. Now I can feel it pushing us apart already and I wonder if it was like this for dad. I remember him working a lot, but he always made an effort to be there when it was important.

Sighing heavily, I realize Lee's still looking at me for an answer.

"I don't know what to do, Lee. It's not like I can just cut back my hours, or quit. Kids are expensive and we couldn't live on Elle's salary."

"Yeah," he chuckles. "Well, you can only blame yourself for having four of them, you crazy bastard."

Grinning ruefully, I rub the back of my neck. The twins were absolutely a surprise. Actually, that's putting it mildly. The fact that one drunken (and very memorable) night resulted in Elle getting pregnant had been a surprise, sure. When we found out it was twins? I think we both aged five years on the spot.