Losers and lovers (Laurette)

Chapter 10

John watched Lafayette leave his house. The scene made him feel terrible, something like this had never happened. He had never broken up with anyone and this was definitely not how he wanted things to go. But this was what he needed right? A break from people who had been hurting him so much.
John suddenly felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He had started crying without even realizing it. He wiped his face and sat on the floor. He wasn't sure how to go on now, he didn't have anyone. Well...besides from Thomas.
"Thomas..." John mumbled to himself and got his phone. He hesitated at first but then decided to text him.
And soon, Thomas had come over and they were basically cuddling on John's bed. John was pouring his heart out to Thomas and Thomas was nodding at everything he said, occasionally stroking his back. "Yeah like I said earlier Lafayette did come to me to talk about this. I-hmm...you know, maybe you're being too harsh on him. I was kind of mean to him about everything and maybe that wasn't the right thing to do." Thomas admitted, looking away. He felt John's head jerk up. "What? He-Laf did a bad thing so you don't get to feel bad for him!" Thomas returned his gaze back to John and furrowed his eyebrows. "John. Can't you literally self reflect at all? Look at what you're doing to other people around you! You're seriously just making everyone else look bad when you're the one doing the harm."
John got all defensive but he couldn't say anything because Thomas continued. "Let's think about this breakup thing. Your break up with Laf because he's upset about you sleeping with me. Quite reasonable to me. Yes, I slept with you but you know what? That wasn't my intention, that was what you wanted. You got yourself into this mess because you wanted to make your narcissistic ass feel better. With the cause of others feeling like shit."
John stared at him with wide eyes. "Thomas...that's...I don't do that..." He whimpered, sitting up. "I swear that's not my intention!" Thomas crossed his arms. "John seriously, what the fuck? Look at yourself."
John wiped his eyes and sighed. He felt terrible now. What Thomas was saying was true, he had been acting terrible towards Lafayette. A wave of guilt came over him and he started crying. "Thomas I'm sorry-" The taller boy's expression softened but only a little bit. "John, I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. I'm only pointing out the obvious because you have to realize this is getting out of hand."
Then Thomas reached up and gently grabbed John's shoulder. "Look...I have to go now, you should figure yourself out." He got off the bed and stretched. "Sorry." He got his phone, casting John a look before leaving.
And so John was left alone again. He grabbed the sheets in his fists, feeling more tears roll down his cheeks. He was more angry than sad now. "Fuck-fuck fuck fuck!" He took his pillow and screamed into it. That calmed him a little bit. For the rest of the day, John just tried to hold himself together, he couldn't show anything being wrong by the time his father came home. They ate dinner, John did some of his homework and everyone went to bed. Except for John of course.
He was still up and decided to go walk outside. It was already dark when he made his way to Lafayette's neighborhood. He had consciously walked there but...he couldn't possibly go and try to talk to Lafayette. This all happened in the same day.
John searched for Lafayette's house and frowned. He remembered all the times he had gone over to Lafayette's house and they just messed around. He remembered their first kiss. It happened there.

Flashback to a few months back

Lafayette flopped on his bed with a grin. "John, you look so cute." He giggled, ruffling John's hair. The shorter boy whined, and tried fixing his hair. "Oh shut up, I'm not cute. You're the cute one." Lafayette rolled his eyes and smiled. He sat up, huddling closer. "You're silly. We can both be cute." John smiled at the warmth coming from Lafayette. He leaned against him gently. "I suppose we can. But you're also hot." He added quietly with a smirk. Lafayette blushed. "John! I didn't know you'd say that kind of stuff." He chuckled. "Well then you don't know everything about me." He moved to sit in Lafayette's lap, smiling to the other boy. "You make me feel like I can be myself." Lafayette stroked John's cheek. "And that's the highest honor you'll give me?" John nodded. "Yes, for sure." They both giggled a little bit before going quiet. John felt his cheeks turn warm, hot even. Lafayette's gaze had moved to look at his lips. He grabbed John's chin and slowly leaned in. John leaned in as well and their lips touched softly. John couldn't even explain how right this felt. He was kissing the boy he loved and who loved him back. His lips were so soft and his thumb ever so slightly stroking his jaw line.
They pulled away and they both had flushed cheeks. Lafayette started laughing. John quietly laughed with him. They were so in love.

Back to reality

John snapped out of his thoughts when he felt small rain wet his hair. He sighed, making his way back home, having to run about half of the way because the rain started to get bad.
When he finally got back home, he headed upstairs to his room and stripped out of his wet clothes. He stared down at his body, running his hand over the faint scars on his thighs. He remembered how he promised Lafayette he would never hurt himself again and after that one time, he never did. Well, not physically. John felt a little proud of himself though. He walked over to a mirror in the corner and stared at the boy in the reflection. Then he could see the bite marks and hickeys Thomas had left on his shoulders and chest. He ran his hand over the marks, biting back a small whine. He turned his gaze towards his night stand and walked there. He opened the drawer and took out a pair of scissors. Returning to his mirror, he sat down and started cutting his hair. He cut it really short, trimming the sides as short as he could. When he was done, he grabbed the hair from the floor and threw it away.
John ran his fingers through his hair. He left some hair on top of his head. "Wow..." He stood up and laid on his bed. He fell asleep soon after.
John woke up late the next morning. He remembered cutting his hair and somehow he had the feeling his family wouldn't approve of it. And besides all that, he was still butt naked. He groaned, grabbing his phone and pulled the blanket completely over himself. He started reading his and Lafayette's old messages.
There were happy and flirtatious ones but also...not so good ones. John quickly started to see a pattern on how he used to talk and connected that to what Thomas had said. He put his phone Down, shoving the blanket away and sat up. "Oh god...I gotta fix this somehow." He mumbled, getting off the bed to put clothes on