Losers and lovers (Laurette)

Chapter 6

Trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts, panic attack and yelling/fighting

The next morning-

John and Lafayette were woken up by John's little brother Henry. The boy climbed on them, giggling. "Hi Johnny! Hi Laffy!"
John blinked his eyes open and smiled at him. "Morning Henry..." His face quickly became red as he remembered what had happened last night. He also felt sick to his stomach because of it. "Henry, me and Lafayette have to uh...shower, go back to your room and play or something." He mumbled and sat up, putting the small boy on the floor. Henry was about to pout back but just slumped out of the basement, leaving John and Lafayette by themselves again.
John was in a state of panic right now and he couldn't even look at Lafayette. "Gil, do you remember what happened yesterday?" He asked quietly, his voice shaking. Lafayette furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as if he didn't understand what John meant. He didn't understand what was so wrong that John was having a panic attack. "Uh I do remember...but what's wrong?" He gently put his hand on John's shoulder but the other swept it away quickly and stood up. "Oh what's wrong?? Why do you even have to ask that question? You know damn well what's wrong, we-we did something bad yesterday. Something that should have never happened." He hissed, tears beginning to form in his eyes. "Oh god, if my parents find out they're gonna kick me out!" Lafayette got up to calm him down. "John...let's think rationally. It was only a handjob, nothing more. It's all good." He said calmly but that didn't ease John's mind one bit. "You don't understand fucking anything! Your family cares about you, they except you. But me? Oh hell no, my dad especially. And then you guys wonder why I'm feeling like shit all the time, it's-it's so hard..." He broke down sobbing. John clutched onto Lafayette's shirt and sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm so tired...I don't want to be here anymore and honestly, no one would even care if I just...died." He was shaking at this point but Lafayette wasn't about to stop helping his boyfriend. "John...John, look up. I love you so much and there's a lot of potential in you as well. I know you're really tired but it would be devastating if you weren't here anymore...to your siblings and to me and Herc! We all care about you and love you. So please don't say any of that stuff...it hurts." Lafayette set his hands on John's shoulders and had to hold back a whimper. He didn't want John to feel worse with him whimpering.
John bit his lip and hugged Lafayette tightly. "I'm just...I'm just really scared...I-I don't know what to do..." He cried into Lafayette's chest, digging his nails deep into the other. Lafayette grunted uncomfortably, rubbing John's shoulder. "I'm so sorry John...I didn't realize how bad things were for you..but I won't let your parents put a finger on you." He whispered quietly and kissed John's ear. He started quietly singing a lullaby to the other and it did make John calm down. He sighed, looking up at Lafayette. "Do you promise that?" Lafayette nodded. "Of course I do. I'm really sorry." He pulled John into a tight embrace and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry for everything bad I've said to you..." John sighed deeply, shrugging. "I'm not supposed to forgive you about it. You all have made me feel bad-extremely bad-in fact, we're in this situation because of you." He pulled away from the hug and furrowed his eyebrows. "You-" He got off the couch and crossed his arms. "Get out."
Lafayette stared at him all confused before starting to laugh nervously. "Huh? Get out? What are you talking about Jo-" "You heard me. Get out, I can's have any of you with me anymore." John hissed, grabbing Lafayette's jacket from the floor and threw it at him. "I just need a break from everything! Is that too much to be asked?" Lafayette shook his head quickly and put his jacket on. "I'm still really sorry-" "Oh I know. I know very damn well you are but I don't care. I don't want to talk to any of you right now." John groaned, walking up the stairs and opened the door to the basement. Lafayette frowned, walking up the stairs and hesitantly went past John, looking at him sadly. John just gave him a bland look before slamming the door and going back on the couch. He curled up and cried more. Somehow he fell asleep again and woke up again at 2pm.

And for the next few days, over a week, two weeks John didn't talk to his friends. He had cut Alexander off completely and Hercules and Lafayette only temporarily. He just needed some time for himself and his thoughts.
John was sitting on a swing in a playground and was drawing in his notebook and listening to music. He saw from the corner of his eye how someone sat on the swing next to him. He looked up and saw a boy with a light brown skin and nice dark hair. He had a friendly smile on his face and he leaned closer to see what John was drawing. "Wow Laurens, never thought you were that good at drawing." John hugged his notebook to his chest and shrugged. "I dunno...it's not that good. Alexander never cared for them that much." He sighed out, putting the notebook down. The boy frowned. "Hamilton can go suck it up. I heard he's been very unstable lately. Ever since the Halloween party?" "Even before that. He's gonna be homeschooled for now." John looked up. "And why are you being nice to me Thomas?" Thomas hummed, shrugging. "I've been thinking about you. Honestly! You seem like a cool guy and you're also cute." John blushed, going quiet. "You-you think I'm cute?" Thomas nodded. He turned around on the swing so he was facing John. "I think you're adorable. I've been worried when I see you alone." He grabbed John hand gently and stroked his palm with his thumb. John chuckled quietly, biting his lip. "Oh wow-I don't know what to say...wanna come over? I'm home alone for the whole weekend." Thomas looked at him, slightly taken back in surprise. "Wait you're-asking me over this quick? I didn't think you wanted to hang out just like that. Especially at your house." He chuckled, leaning forward and smirked. John felt a tingly feeling in his stomach, Thomas knew well what he was doing. He stood up and walked over to Thomas, kissing him on the lips. "Let's go now. Get your clothes and other shit and go to my place." He whispered. John himself wasn't sure what caused him to be like this, maybe he was lusty after Lafayette but what he was very sure about was what he needed from Thomas. And Thomas knew what John wanted as well so there they went