As If We Never Said Goodbye (JENLISA)

Unable to stay, unwilling to leave

I had this song in mind while writing out this chapter, feel free to go check it out and get emotional while reading the rest of this chapter.

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Lisa stretched her hand across the soft white sheets, searching for the warmth of the body beside her. But the space was empty and cold, the cold material against her warm skin. She opened one eye and then the other, blinking against the strong light coming from the quiet street. The sheets beside her were messy and Lisa's heart began to pound harder at the sight. She sat up, looking frantically around the room.

"Hi to you."

Her head turned in the direction of the familiar voice, sighing when she saw the girl in the armchair. Jennie's right knee was serving as a support for her chin, and the diary was in her hand. Resting the pen against her lips, she turned her gaze back to the diary, a start of a smile on her face.

"Hi." Lisa greeted as she pulled the sheet to her body that had fallen to her waist in the moment of panic. Jennie glanced back at the blonde and smiled at her, before closing the diary and walking to the bed. Leaning back against the mattress, she gave Lisa's surprised lips a kiss, before stepping back and sitting down next to her. Warmth spread through the younger woman's chest and radiated through her hands, which pressed the sheet tighter against her body.

I could definitely get used to this.

Lisa bit her lower lip as she fought the smile that wanted to appear, causing Jennie to look away shyly. Her fingers began to play with the leather of the diary, Lisa watching her face for a moment, before turning down and resting her chin on the pillow.

"Why were you there?"

"I couldn't sleep." Jennie shrugged, still not meeting her eyes. She opened the diary and began flipping through the pages, Lisa, for the first time, being able to see what was beyond the brown cover. Each page was packed with words; paragraph after paragraph.

After what happened last night, Lisa more than ever wanted to know what was going on in Jennie's head. She wanted to know if what they did meant something to the brunette. She wanted to know if last night changed anything, or if she was still going to lose her in three days. She needed to know.

"Read something to me."

Jennie turned to her with startled eyes as she ran her fingers over the leather cover. Lisa held her gaze, seeing how they had a fear in them that she didn't understand. The brunette turned to her hands as she cleared her throat, before speaking in a hesitant tone.

"What do you want to hear?"

That you love me and that you will stay.

"Anything." Lisa said softly before closing her eyes. She heard Jennie fiddling with the pages of her diary and her heavy breathing. It seemed like forever until she spoke again, her voice as hesitant as before.

"Um, May 9." Jennie muttered. "We were on the bus to Munich that day, remember?" Lisa agreed, but kept her eyes closed. "I love the way she looks at me. No one has ever looked at me the way she does. It scares me how she can make me feel like I'm the only person in the room, or just her smile that can make my heart skip a beat."

Jennie paused for a moment to take a deep breath. Lisa did not open her eyes as her chest began to ache and her throat became constricted. A part of her was sorry she had asked the question, but the other part, the irrational part needed to hear this. She needed to hear that these intense feelings she had over the past few days were not platonic. It hurt to hear, but the constant 'what if' that would have haunted her after they said goodbye to each other would have been more torturous than this pain.