The Journey to the stars

December 19, 1922

December 19, 1922 

Wednesday, 10:34 pm

Dear diary,

Some incidents are unforgettable, no matter how much you try to put them in the past they remain unresolved and keep lurking in the back of your mind. Our drunkard kiss was something like that, we never acknowledged it and maybe labeled it as a one-time mistake. The cold got the best of us and it was time to search for refuge in the bottle of booze. It was awkward, I am not going to lie but this was needed to sustain our bodies. I was conscious of every drop I was allowing down my throat and even more conscious to maintain a distance from Tahyung. Just as usual we talked about the things of interest, maybe it was the brandy but Taehyung talked a lot about his family, which he usually never does, it used to be my area of expressing. He talked about the one time he got lost in the city of London and went around asking people if they have seen his dad- "A bald man with potato head " and in his defense, he said that is what he had heard his mother say. And talked about the time he found out Santa was not real and threw a huge drama in the middle of the night. He told me he was closest to his mother and she used to call him winter bear. He even shared an embarrassing poop story and that had me confirm, he is drunk. He told me how much trouble he was to his parents growing up, and how his father introduced him to the world of art and poetry. He told me that one time, he and his friend Jimin mistook a train to Vienna and had a hard time communicating in German. He even enacted their interacting with a local their and it had me wheezing. But he claims that he did improve his German and being versed in German myself I can sense how much of a lie that is. I am not sure how or when the conversation that had me in tears with all the laughter, changed so grave. At some point, he said that when he returned from his first expedition, he was beyond thrilled to meet everyone but it seemed they had moved on without him. His best friend got married to his little sister, which was strange cause he never knew they liked each other or maybe it was after he left. There was a glint of melancholy in his eyes that he tried to mask while mentioning his childhood mate. He felt excluded from the conversations like he was no longer part of those incidents. Everyone seemed busy and what was harder for him was to figure out if it's he who has changed or the ones around him. "Change is scary, especially when what you had was beautiful or maybe it was not changing it was just a realization but that is how life is. That was one of the reasons I decided to go on my second expedition it was more like an escape, somewhere it made me feel I belonged in the ice, sounds fancy, ain't it?", though he was chuckling.through his words I could sense the pain he was trying to mask. Taehyung's words are stuck in my mind, yes, change is scary not just when what you had is beautiful but also when what you had was normal or rather accepted. Now, how do you run from who you aren't? My mind is clouded with thoughts as I write this and sleep is nowhere to be found.

Night