The Journey to the stars

December 22, 1922

December 22, 1922

Saturday,  11:13 pm

Dear diary,

The cold seemed to have subsided, glad that it did so, will make Taehyung's travel easier. He is packing his stuff, he would be traveling south to set up a camp there. Taehyung will be gone for a week and he is upset that I avoided him yesterday. I wish I could talk to him but my words are caught up in my throat. My mother says there is beauty in giving when you give something close to you - a part of you is with them just like a part of them is in your heart. Right now my most prized possession is you. Maybe he will understand what I have to say better through you.

You have been my second favorite companion in this journey to the stars. Be there for Taehyung, don't let him feel alone.

Will miss you
Jeon Junkook
Night

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Dear Taehyung,

                              I know by the time you reach this page you would have already known how much you affect me. You make me feel the things I never knew I was capable of feeling. Spoken words sometimes don't do justice entirely. I am writing this so I won't be scrutinized by your intense gaze while expressing myself. You don't realise how intimidating your gaze can be.

                              I remember how petrified I was of you at first, and furious when you described me as an exciting fluff ball to our superiors, yes, I eavesdropped but how dare you. I was so angry at you, that I gave you the silent treatment, it seemed to have worked wonders cause you called me 'Junkookie' for the first time. You know I have caught you several times staring at me, I used to just pretend to be asleep cause I liked to feel your gaze on me when I am not looking. Every time you called me bunny my heart skipped a beat, I kept justifying my actions. If I have to name a point where I genuinely think you opened up to me it has to be the conversation about Van Gosh, the admiration you have for his art is commendable. You remember the poetry you recited, how much I was in awe. The deep-rooted connection you have with 'Starry night' makes me wonder what you have been through. I have never felt judged in your presence. Talking about my sisters, my family - you always listened with adoration in your eyes. The first time we cuddled, the first time we saw penguins, the first time we got drunk, the first time we kissed - I know it was not intentional or maybe it was, how much I wished to pretend they meant nothing but I knew it's a lie. When you had mentioned about Rosé, my insides were churned and there were no explanations for it. I wanted nothing more than to embrace you when you were talking about your family. Your words affect me Taehyung, your ability to give me explanations to what I am seeking through your experiences has never ceased to astonish me. You thought me how to appreciate the slightest things around me. You made me feel safe in your arms. I am having urges to sit on your lap and stargaze the whole night, listen to you talk, or perhaps kiss you. I know it's wrong I shouldn't be feeling this way but I can't help it. Why is it tempting to sin? Why do we keep doing the things we know are wrong? Why is the mere thing that we are deprived of doing so impeccable to avoid? Why do we keep falling knowing there is no escape, knowing you will be all alone and might not find any light at the end of the tunnel, yet you keep walking hoping for a miracle.

                               It is darkness here half of the year, maybe we will be like that once we return from this light. I am afraid even you might not have an answer to it. Why is this happening Taehyung? What is that we have? What is going to happen to us? I am listening to you playing the mouth organ while writing this, it's melodious and calms my nerves, once a wise man told me to just close my eyes and savor the moment before it's gone. I will miss that wise man dearly in his absence.

Come back soon

Jeon Junkook