This diary belongs to Jeon Junkook and if found, please return it to the owner
- Thank you
~ Remember that Loving is never a sin, my love ~
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The...
I think I crossed a line yesterday or perhaps pulled a trigger that I shouldn't have. It was Taehyung's turn to observe the sky I was in the camp trying to gather as much of heat I can by scooching myself and that's when I noticed a book under Taehyung's lamp, a research journal, I presumed. The creased old-fashioned book had some smudged detailing on the sides, which got me curious. Being the intriguing creature that I was I didn't think much before taking it in my hands. I ran my hands through the designs made on the sides, it felt like they were scraped by a sharp object on the hardcover, they didn't make any sense to me. I lifted the book to my eye level and looked at it from different angles, they still looked like some weird patterns, maybe they weren't, but I still tried to find a hidden connection. Taehyung didn't look like someone to ponder much on the appearance of the words, but he was, his name was written in fine cursive letters. I turned another page around and a picture slipped onto my lap, it was starry nights, by Vincent Van Gogh. Behind the photo, it was written 'France 1902'. I kept the photo back in the book, that's when my eyes landed on Taehyung's drawing of an eye and also felt the sun drowning in the ocean. I was too busy admiring the drawing that I only noticed Taehyung's presence behind me when his shadow became prominent on the page. I swiftly closed the book and chucked it to the side. I agree there was no use of that action but I couldn't help myself. He looked mad, he asked me what I was doing. I tried explaining to him how I thought it was a research journal and got curious. He asked me if I was that dumb that it took me an eternity to figure out it wasn't a research journal. I kept quiet, I had no answers, what should I say, I had understood it was a personal journal but I kept going. I felt awful. He gritted his teeth and said, "This is what happens when you bring children to expenditures, no knowledge on respecting boundaries". I just murmured a sorry under my breath. He didn't say explore much after that just walked out of the camp and put out the light on his way out, maybe a way to ask me to go to sleep. I felt terrible but there was nothing I could do apart from apologizing. I woke up early just to tell you this and also to make breakfast for Taehyung, nothing fancy, just cereal. It's not like I can take him out on dinner here, not that I want to, this is just a form of apology. Hope he forgives me.
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Something strange happened today. I don't know why I even remember this. It's not something to ponder on but since I tell you everything I wanna share this too. My breakfast apology didn't go as planned, he wasn't still over what happened the previous night and I decided to not push it further in the fear of angering him more. The day was just like any other, it was night already and I was looking forward to the favorite activity of my day. He took the first turn, I was patiently waiting but he didn't return, his eyes were glued on the telescope. I thought maybe he was punishing me for my behavior last night. I explored how much of a higher authority he holds here, so I resorted to silence with a despondent heart. It was not until what felt like fifteen minutes when I was falling into the arms of sleeplessness that he came barging into our dwelling. I panicked seeing him in a hurry, maybe we are in trouble I thought. Before I could ask him he instructed me to rush to our gazing site. I had noticed that it wasn't panic that adorned his face but a peak sense of excitement. I did as instructed. He was still looking through the telescope but not with the calm composure he usually does, he was standing, gripping tightly on the equipment, titling it at minute angles, in a way it appeared he was making sure what he was seeing. He asked me to connect to the base office and he will be there in a minute, as much as I wanted to ask why, I kept it to myself. I saw him talking to them vigorously while making some sketches on a piece of paper. My feet took me to the telescope in the hope of finding what had got the chief so thrilled. I was unable to notice anything peculiar, I adjusted it from various angles but still the same. "Didn't you see it?" I heard him say while sitting down on the chair, his voice was deep with the excitement still lingering in his voice. I identified that maybe it was too obvious and I am just not good enough to make out changes, I just silently stood there with my heads down. He grabbed my arms and pulled me down to his lap and adjusted the telescope to my eye level, it all happened so fast I couldn't process. "It's there, you just have to stop looking for what I saw and try to see what the sky wants to show you" he whispered. I saw it, the southern stars aligned beautifully, presenting an arena of twinkling spots, maybe having a conversation, perhaps a debate in the fashion of dropping lights. No one has yet found out the reason behind this mysterious formation but it is a view we get to witness once in decades. I was too engrossed in the magnificence of the sky that I didn't realize the position I was in until later. I was not aware of how to react, I moved back from the telescope and my back met with his firm chest, the cold didn't help either. I heard him ask "Did you see it?" "Yes," I replied. "Isn't it beautiful?" he asked. "Yes, indeed, " I replied. I was not willing to let go of the sight the night sky had offered me, I stayed there afraid he might take another shift of his own. Strange enough he didn't say anything, he let me gaze at the sky while I was still on his lap. Warmth had slowly drowned the awkwardness. We stayed there in the very same position later than usual. He was the one to break the silence. He proposed that we should head to our camps, so we did. It was strange now that I think of it and scary that it wasn't uncomfortable. But the stars were just too beautiful to worry about anything else.
