The Journey to the stars

December 20, 1922

December 20, 1922 

Thursday, 10:20 am

Dear diary,

I just want to disappear into thin air, cause I can't face Taehyung after what happened last night. It is strange that I was drunk enough to do such stupidity but was not enough to forget it. Hell, I remember it clear as a day. Sleep was not to be found in the proximity, we laid down but wide awake. The brandy had calmed my nerve but gave me an instant boost of confidence to speak absolute nonsense, I turned to my side facing him propping myself on my elbow, staring onto his face like a creep. He turned to me as well and there was this invisible battle of staring. I broke the contest by asking the one thing I would have never asked in my senses but unfortunately, I was out of them. It is just embarrassing to even write it in my diary - "Do you think I am pretty?", he chuckled as a response but my drunk self was not satisfied so I persisted on the question making it a bit more specific. "Do you think I am prettier than that Rosé girl you mentioned?", he chuckled again. When there was no response I was almost about to turn but he stopped me and gently cupped my cheeks, and he goes " Prettier than anyone I have ever laid my eyes on ". My insides were churned, my throat felt dry and my mind was out of control. I don't remember who leaned in first all I could remember is the feeling of his lips on mine. It's not that I haven't kissed before but this felt different there was so much passion, a longing. His lips felt softer than any girl I have ever kissed, he held me so closely and delicately, made me wonder if I would break if he let go of me. He snaked his hands under my layers of the sweater, placing his cold hands on my hips giving them a slight squeeze. I moaned, for heaven's sake I moaned and he let his tongue slid into my mouth, his lips worked their way to my sensitive neck and I could feel this pool of heat building up at the bottom of my stomach. His tongue kept circling at a stop that made me chew my lips so harshly as to not slip another moan but then he just bit me and I couldn't fight back the moan that slipped past my lips. I felt him smirk against my skin like he knew I was biting back the moan. He looked me in the eye, my breathing was uneven, we stilled, and it was like our minds regained a little bit of consciousness left in us. In an instant, we turned to the opposite sides that were the farthest we could go to avoid each other in the middle of glaciers. Don't remember how or when I dozed but woke up with a terrible headache and a truck of awkward incidents unfolding in my head. Couldn't have asked for a better way to start the day.

Morning

-------------------------------------------------------

8:20pm

Dear diary,

I know it's insanely early for me to be here, but I need to avoid Taehyung. My mind has not yet stopped playing the incidents in a loop. I was the one to ask him that insane question last night. I don't know what he might be thinking of me. Taehyung has been trying to talk to me since morning but what is there to talk and how are we to justify this. I know we are away from the prying eyes of the cunning world and are surrounded with ice but isn't this wrong? How he makes me feel? How I want him to find me pretty? How I keep wondering if there was someone else in his life? How he has cast a spell on me? This is all wrong, my mother would be so disappointed in me. It was not long before I came to the expedition that the boy down our lane was beaten brutally for fancying his gender. My parents bad-mouthed him along with the whole street, I have never seen my mother look this disgusted. I am letting her down the last person on earth I would want to disappoint. If she was to look at me with those eyes I might never forgive myself. I should be asleep before Taehyung gets back from his turn.

Night