Though the lens of love

Tartan Tease and the Creamy Dreams

I dawdlded my way through the day, snapping photos in between my own flusters. My heart and my head were battling as hard as Obi Wan and Anakin on the planet of Mustafar "I have the higher ground!" Said my heart, my brain doing a cool flip before my heart continued on "Luke i am your father". Well give it to me daddy! I was ready for these two sexy men, warped tour be Damned!!

But NO JUNE! This was everything i'd worked so hard for. This was the most important thing in my life, my passion, my drive, my lvoe. I flashed back to my first tumblr poem, this my favourite one i've written yet -

'Space

Falling

Falling Falling Falling

so far into 

my 

head

my heart pounding

pounding pounding pounding

instead

i know what i must do

but i'm stuck to my life

like glue

i've never been truely seen

behind the lens but never in front

only remnants of the places, the people i've been'

But now in the fading light in this new york city sun set another verse came to me without warning 

'and full of yerning, a new yerning for something 

i knew what it was like to yern

 to want to be somebody

but now i truely knew what it meant 

to want somebody

or maybe...

two bodies

bodies writhing in the mosh pit

like waves in my stormy gray eyes

calmed only by two gentle shades of blue'

This verse helped me understand my feelings and make sense of the storms going on in my head and in my eyes... and in their eyes too.

The day was over and I found myself sitting alone on a park bench. The soft wind tousling my red thick locks, tickling the tip of my nose. The floor displaying the aftermath of a good day, kicked up dust and monster cans crushed and sprawled. The quiet of a place once so loud was beautiful to me. It felt like a secret peace only i was privy to. 

The cans were crushed and crumbled but i wasn't, i was finally beginning to straighten it all out. 

These men were drop dead gorgeous, and i deserved to indulge a little bit. But i felt firm in knowing that work came first, i wouldn't be distracted like today again. But I wouldn't be keeping myself so closed up to these genuine men, i deserve the attention and i'm gonna drink it up.

I found myself on Andy and Niall's Couch, bottle of jack on the table and a whiskey on the rocks in my hands. Suprisingly there wasn't a thick cloud of smoke in this room as Andy was smoking outside on the balcony of his gorgeous penthouse apartment. The city scape twinkling and sparkling before him. 

Niall was sitting across from me in sweatpants and a long sleeve. He was dressed for comfort and i appreciated that. I almost wish i'd worn sweatpants too but looking at Andy's gorgeous ass in those leather pants deefinitely made me feel glad i chose a tight formfitting dress for this evening's festivities.