𝕗𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 | ᴇɴ-

𝟏

We didn't see him for days. All we heard was his hurting behind the locked door. Part of me wanted to open it and comfort him, but I couldn't do that. We couldn't do anything but wait and pray everything would be okay.

I played with the chain as I sat outside his door, moving it between my fingers. It had been a gift from him years ago, and now I held it as if it was the only part of our hyung I had left. It was stupid yet I couldn't let it go. It calmed me in a weird way. The round, silver pendant with an engraving so old I couldn't make out what it was.

Suddenly, the noise inside stopped. Was it over? Was he dead?

The door opened and all I could see for a few moments was the darkness inside. Then his face came into view, pale and slim. He looked tired and sick, but alive.

For a moment, we just stared at each other, not sure what to do. I should have called the others, tell them he was okay, that he was up. But I didn't. I just showed him the stupid chain.

Maybe I was trying to tell him I hadn't forgotten about him and never would. I don't know. All I know is he reached for it and held it in his hand as I felt the metal wrap itself around my heart. My body gave up as it burned me inside. Then it was the end of us.

⋆＊ ⭒ ⋆＊ ☾ ＊⋆ ⭒ ＊⋆

I didn't notice the change at first, but I had the suspicion that Jungwon did. He was always staring at me after I came into the dining room with Heeseung-hyung at my heels. Everyone was happy to see him well, though he looked different. But nobody pointed that out. We were fooling ourselves by ignoring the looming curse that was settling over us.

Jungwon was the first to know. He never said anything but I know that he could tell the difference before and after Heeseung-hyung came out of that room. I'd often catch him randomly looking at me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

He shook his head and waved it off like it was nothing. "No, I just thought I saw something."

By the end of the week, I started to notice the changes in myself too. My body felt weak and I'd have small tremors as the world seemed to freeze around me. Then the feeling would be gone, replaced by dizziness or headaches. I ignored it all. Especially when Niki started to inquire about me.

We were lounging by the pool. Just the two of us like it used to be. When I was with him I felt at ease, and I could tell he did too. He talked to me about things he couldn't with the others, and I looked after him in a way I didn't do the others.

I gave him the chain and let him play with it for a while as I rested on his lap. I liked that about us. We didn't have to talk to be with each other.

"Hyung, is something happening with you?"

I opened my eyes. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. You look very tired lately."

I hadn't been sleeping well at night, always feeling restless and unbelievably thirsty no matter how much water I drank. The bags under my eyes had grown, despite how much I tried to hide them for the sake of the others. Maybe I had to try harder.

"I'm fine. I've just had some trouble sleeping, that's all."

He swinged the chain over my head and I once again felt that strange sensation of the metal inside myself, even though I knew it was impossible for it to be in my heart when I could so clearly see it between his fingers.

"Has it been happening since Heeseung-hyung came out?"

I turned my attention back to him.
"Is something the matter with him?"

"I don't know. Maybe?"

I sat up to look at him more clearly. He sighed.

"He seems... different, don't you think?"

"Different?"

"Yes. He looks skinnier even though he's eating more than the rest of us. I've seen him standing in the balcony at night just staring at the moon for hours. And he keeps doing this weird face when he looks at us, like he doesn't know us anymore. He's just not the same."

He looked troubled. I hated seeing that on him. I couldn't deny everything he had just said, but I didn't want him to think too much about it. That was our job as hyungs, not his.

"He might not be the exact same as before he got that fever," I said carefully, "But he's still our hyung and he still cares for us. Nothing will change that."

"You seem different too," he whispered.

"I'm not," I said, almost too sharply, so I softened my voice. "I'm still me. Sunghoon."

We stared at each other for a moment and it felt as if there was an abyss growing between us. He didn't believe me.

Just then a headache took over me.

"Argh!"

"Hyung? Hyung!"

I fell down and held my head. Everything looked blurry and there was a ringing in my ear. I saw him in glimpses standing over me, but not getting too close. The chain was still on his hand.

That stupid chain.

Everything comes into focus then. The metal with its multiple round edges. The old engraving, glinting with sunlight. The full silver necklace.

"Hyung? Are you okay? What happened?"

I'm laying on my back and he stands over me with worried brows. I hate that look on him. I wish I could take it away.

I reach for him and he gasps, dropping the chain. I catch it with my mouth as he faints.