𝕗𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 | ᴇɴ-

𝟗

I am slightly relieved that Jungwon won't join us for lunch today, though a part of me is wary of the way Sunghoon delivers the news, without looking at anyone.

"He isn't feeling well," he says.

"Is that what he told you?" Sunoo asks him across the table.

They stare at each other for a moment before Sunghoon ignores him and focuses on the plate before him, full of berries and oats. He moves them around with his fork without eating anything.

"I'm sure he'll feel better after resting," Jake says, ever the optimistic.

I am sceptical. Especially with Sunghoon's behaviour. He has been acting strange lately, avoiding all of us and staring at the sky in random moments of the day. It resembles Heeseung-hyung in an eerie way, which is the reason for my optimism at Jungwon's absence. I've been dodging his questions whenever he approaches me. Last week he was almost always in my shadow, asking me about things I couldn't speak about.

"Is everything alright, hyung?" he asked once. "You seemed a little off at dinner."

"It's nothing. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Is it something I can help you with?"

"No, it's okay. I'll take care of it."

He knew I was lying then.

"Is it about our hyung?"

He has a habit of trying to take care of everything, even if that means neglecting himself sometimes and I didn't want to add to that weight. After all, my encounter with our hyung couldn't give him concrete answers. It would have only made him worry further, like I have. So I denied it all.

He has been looking after me ever since and I've been trying to escape his gaze to figure everything out without him knowing. At least not until I can assure him we can fix it. Yet all this time I haven't been able to connect or explain anything. The puzzle pieces are scattered around us but I can't figure out the way they fit together. Ever since that day I went to Heeseung-hyung, I've been pounding over his words and behaviour.

I did that to myself.

You'd be smart not to pry on it.

It sounds like he made a dangerous decision without us and wants us to stay away from it. He doesn't seem to realise it has gotten to everyone already.

As if summoned, Heeseung-hyung walks into the dining room then. Our eyes meet briefly before he takes a seat at the end of the table farthest from the rest of us. No one speaks as we eat.

Ever since we last talked, I have kept to a safe distance from our hyung but still try to get close to him. He only pushes me away, yet I keep getting lured to the mystery around him. I've noticed the odd habits he has developed, and spent hours in the library trying to figure them out. Searching and searching for side effects to fever, but none match what has been happening. And none explain why we have divided ourselves to the point of ignoring each other after it.

Eventually, the sound of fork against plate becomes too much for me, so I excuse myself and leave. Not that things change much without me there, I can hear the conversation staying silent as I exit. I wander through the halls, contemplating whether to visit Jungwon or not, but end up straying away from his room, figuring it won't do us any good. I finish in the baths, thinking the water might cleanse more than just dirt away.

The sky begins to turn orange as I step into the hot water. Steam rises around me and my vision blurs. I shake the water out of my eyes, but end up getting dizzy so I sit down. My skin feels warm, too warm, and I begin to sweat.

It can't be happening. It wasn't supposed to happen to me.

But maybe I've flown too close to the sun. I ventured too far into Heeseung-hyung's secrets and have fallen straight into the darkness within them.

I try to stay calm as the room around me spins and I begin to see spots in my vision. Maybe I had it coming. Maybe this is the only way I can understand it. So instead of fighting it, I let it come. I let it come even as an overwhelming sickness takes over me. If I let it, maybe I can finally see what is happening to our hyung. Since he is so unwilling to share, I need to dive into his secrets unarmed.

But when I begin seeing midnight hair and moonlit stones in between flashes in my eyes, I want nothing more than for it to stop. A voice calls me far away, but it isn't one I recognise. I'm burning up and I need it to stop, yet it's too late. I flew too far and my wings have been melted by the sun.