𝕗𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 | ᴇɴ-

𝟑

I kick a chair in frustration and it falls silently, like my anger. A simmering rage. Why doesn't he trust me?

I went to Heeseung-hyung alone to talk. Some part of me felt responsible for the fever he got. If I had gotten to him sooner, if I had opened the wardrobe as soon as I spotted it, maybe he wouldn't have gotten sick and we wouldn't be in this twisted balancing game; not too cursed yet but not innocent anymore either.

"Hyung?" I knocked on his door.

"Come in."

I opened the door to reveal him in the shadows of his room, indulging in the juiciness of a raw beef. He didn't eat it, he devoured it, licking his fingers when they dripped in cow blood. It was an unnerving sight.

I took a seat on his bed with enough distance between us.

"Are you feeling alright?" I asked.

"Never better," he answered with a smile.

"I see... I guess it really was just a passing fever."

"Indeed."

We stayed in silence for a moment. The only sound was that of his munching and tearing of meat.

"Listen, I wanted to apologise."

He raises his head at that, looking at me in confusion.

"I should've found you sooner."

"It wasn't your fault, Jay. You don't have to apologise."

"You got into that wardrobe because of me."

"I did that to myself," he snaps. "And you'd be smart enough not to pry on it."

I frown, taken aback at his outburst.

"What exactly happened there, hyung? In the wardrobe?"

"I don't know what you mean." He concentrates on his meat again, cutting it in pieces with a knife.

"How did you get sick?"

"I don't know. I just did."

"From one second to the next?"

Something doesn't feel right. It never did from the start. I know we all feel this way even if no one says anything. There is something wrong with this whole ordeal and that weird fever.

"Yes, Jay! From one second to the next! That's how people get sick. What exactly do you expect me to say?"

I don't know what has gotten him so upset, snapping at me. He's the one hiding things and I'm just trying to put the pieces together.

"I don't know, hyung. I just... want you to talk to me."

"I am, aren't I?"

"Are you?"

We stay in silence. He's keeping something from me, I can feel it. He's keeping something from all of us. Whatever happened with that fever was not just some passing illness, it was something more. I just wish he'd tell me. I want to help him and be there for him. He shouldn't struggle alone. Even if he's our hyung.

"Maybe you should stay out of it."

He puts a piece of meat in his mouth. I'm not getting another word out of him, so I leave. If he wants to be like this, fine. I won't bother anymore.

Except that I do.

I kick a chair again. It does little to comfort me. I'm in an empty storage room on the west wing of the castle. When I left Heeseung-hyung's room I stomped away without stopping. Walking always helps keep my feelings in check. No matter what, I just have to keep moving. Eventually, if walking doesn't do the job I have to find something else. Kicking chairs seemed like a good alternative.

It isn't though, and before I know it I'm tired from doing so. I drop to the ground and calm myself.

You'd be smart enough not to pry on it.

What is he hiding? What was that fever? Even if he pushes me away from it, I want to know it all. I want to help. If only he would let me.