𝕗𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 | ᴇɴ-

𝟏𝟓

I sit in bed, panting and sweating. My limbs shake as I try to even my breaths, waiting for the headache to recede. I feel like dying. Is this what Heeseung-hyung felt when he came out that long forgotten afternoon when this all began?

Nausea raises at my throat. My bedsheets are fist balls at my sides as I try to overcome all this. I've been like this for the last two days. I have barely left my room. After the fever came to me in the baths I managed to make my way to my bedroom again, only to fall ill here.

Finally, the headache is gone though I'm still burning up. I hate this. I hate that I brought this to myself. I have no one to blame but me. My ears start ringing. It always gets worse at night. The nausea continues to climb and I breathe deeply, trying to hold it down. I haven't even eaten anything.

Books are piled up on my nightstand. All on the same topic: fever. I left them there before I got sick, back when I thought I could still figure this out. There are plates on the floor with untouched food as well. My clothes packed together in a corner of the room. The windows are open, the curtains moving with the nightly breeze. Everything an attempt to lower my body temperature. It's useless. I'm still burning up. My stomach churns and I clench my sheets.

Deep breaths, Jay. You can do this.

Too late. Acid rises through my throat and I throw up all over my bed. My mouth burns and I begin shaking again. It's disgusting. There's vomit all over. I should clean up, but I'm too tired and too scared to do it.

Even the idea of going back to the baths for a shower terrifies me. I can't go there. Not after getting the fever there. Besides, I don't think I can stand up and it's not like I can ask for help. I did this to myself. I have to face the consequences. Nobody has bothered to check up on me all this time and, honestly, I don't blame them. I haven't checked on them for a long time either.

Looking down at myself I realise I can't fall asleep here. I don't think I can fall asleep at all. I need to at least change the sheets, if only to toss and turn in clean ones, rather than vomit-soaked ones. With that, I gather strength and stand up from bed. My legs shake beneath me but I manage to make my way outside my bedroom, holding on to the walls and different pieces of furniture.

The hallway is bright despite the late hour, but thankfully empty. The way to the baths is both excruciatingly long and painfully short. Before I know it, I'm standing in front of the glass doors again.

I can't go in. What if it's still there? Whatever it is that's doing this to us. What if it's just waiting for me to finish the job?

I lean my head on the door and try to recollect myself when I hear noise inside. I stare at the glass trying to see what lays beyond, but it's blurry. Slowly, I open the door and peek inside. My breathing is agitated and sweat pours into my eyes. I shake it off. The room seems empty, and yet I know there's someone inside. But it doesn't feel like the darkness that caused the fever, it feels warm. It makes me feel safer about being here, so I step in and make my way to one of the showers.

"What are you doing here?"

I turn and spot Jake looking out at me from a stall farther down.

"I could ask the same thing," I say. Was he sleeping here? Doesn't he have a room?

"What on Earth happened to you?" His brows knot together in worry.

I must be a sight. Damp in sweat with bags under my eyes to prove the last two sleepless nights and a bit of vomit here and there, wearing only my underwear.

"Rough night," I answer. I don't have the energy to explain everything. I wouldn't even know what to say. The closest shower is only a few steps away, so I focus my energy on just those few steps.

"You're sick, aren't you?" Jake asks behind me.

I look at him more attentively. That's how I notice the sheen of sweat on his forehead.

"So are you." It's not a question. I recognise my symptoms on him.

"So is everyone," he sighs. "Sunoo came earlier today. He looked a bit like you."

The feeling of powerlessness settles on my stomach again. Just like when I talked with Heeseung-hyung and he pushed me away. It has been following me ever since. As I scoured the library for answers and studied our hyung at a distance, not being able to solve anything. Always one step behind.

"How did you get it?" I ask carefully.

"I'm not sure. It could've been anywhere."

I nod, my mind going back to everything I read. This illness behaves like a virus. All it takes to get it is be close enough to someone that already has it. Depending on how fast it spread, it really could've been anyone. Our hyung, Sunghoon, or Jungwon, locked in his room for days too.

"What are you thinking?" he asks.

I must have my calculating face on. It makes my head throb.

"Just trying to solve this."

Trying to solve something that is beyond fixing now.

Why did it take me so long to know this? If I had known everyone was already getting sick I might have tried harder. I would've looked for the solution sooner. Maybe if I knew, we wouldn't have gotten to this. We could all still be playing hide and seek in the hallways.

"I need a bath," I say. Sometimes, the water helps clear my thoughts. Jake doesn't stop me as I step into the shower after ridding myself of my only garment.

I open the water and it pours around me. My eyes close as my body temperature lowers. I exhale a long breath of relief. Finally, I feel somewhat normal again. Even though everything about this is far from that. How are we going to see this one through? The answer escapes me.

I start to clean myself, keeping my eyes closed so I don't have to see the room. If I do, I might lose my nerve and be reminded of the evening I lost my health. It's stupid and irresponsible, but I do it anyway.

The water warms, but I begin to shake. I feel cold and my head hurts again. I open my eyes and see vapor rising around me. It's choking. It's too much. It feels like the fever all over again. My breathing becomes laboured as a wave of sickness overcomes me.

Deep breaths, Jay.

I shouldn't have come. My knees give in beneath me. If I hadn't been so desperate I wouldn't have brought this illness to myself in an attempt to understand it. If I hadn't been so obsessed I might've noticed the others getting sick too. And maybe then I could've helped. I could've done something. I wouldn't be here in this bath, fighting for my life again.
Everything blurs around me, hazy behind the curtain of mist. My limbs shake and ears ring. I want out. I need this to stop.

As if on cue, a scream pierces through the night.

a/n
who could it be?? 👀👀
thank you so much for reading! if you've gotten this far, i really appreciate it ♡
we've only got one last chapter to go ..̯
so wait for it patiently!
i hope you spent a beautiful christmas with the people you love and i wish you an (early) happy new year!!
also, IT'S COMEBACK SEASON AGAIN Y'ALL!! OMG
their pictures never disappoint
i can't wait to see what they do now, though i don't know but i have the feeling it might be a repackage of their album??
we'll see
thank you again for getting here, take care and much love

-meliori