𝕗𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 | ᴇɴ-

𝟏𝟒

Heeseung

Night has fallen and every muscle in my body it alert.

I need to go out.

I'm pacing in my room, resisting the urge to go to the woods. There is a symphony of insects and animals coming from the trees that lures me in. But I can't go. I shouldn't.

And yet it's there calling to me.

I allow myself to leave the room
quietly and wander around the hallways. Ever since my encounter with Sunoo I've been avoiding going out at night. Because the truth is, I don't remember what happened that night. My memory is fuzzy and I only have glimpses of it in my head. I remember my feet crossing the doorway of my bedroom and pieces of me passing by moonlit windows. I remember a voice. The girl's voice.

You will be mine.

Then there's a blackout before I saw Sunoo passed out on the floor. I don't want to think about the possibility of me doing something to him, but the way he's been avoiding me lately makes me think I might have done something unknowingly. That would make fixing it out of my control too.

It has happened a couple of times now. The blacking out. There are moments of the day that escape my memory. Sometimes I'll find myself somewhere without knowing how I got there. As if my instincts led me there somehow. The same instincts that don't let me sleep at night and have plagued me with nightmares.

They come every night now. It's usually the same one, with me on a cave and my friends getting swallowed by the shadows. And the girl.

You will be mine.

Every time I see her I realise what a stranger she is to me, and yet her presence is so familiar. But I don't want to get used to her or give in to her taunts. I don't want to be a part of whatever plan she has. And I don't want her anywhere near my friends. I cannot allow myself to give in to whatever has taken over me. I need to regain control over myself.

I stop when cold air bites my skin. My feet have taken me outside the castle doors, grass caressing the tips of my toes. The sound of the woods are louder now and more compelling than ever. I didn't even notice when I started to make my way here.

I try to turn back around and head back to my room. I shouldn't be here. I have been coming to these doors almost every night, never venturing any further. This is as far as I usually get before coming back to my senses. But now I can't turn around. In the distance I spot a deer wearing its antlers like a crown and walking as regal as I've seen my parents do when they walk into the throne room.

And it smells so good.

My feet move forward and it looks my way for a moment before hiding between the trees. The moon is shining above me. Every muscle in my body is alert and my instincts tell me to go after the deer. The instincts I so badly want to get rid of. Because those instincts hold the part of my memory I can seem to grasp. I can't let myself give in to them.

But would it be so bad if I did?

My nostrils flare with the smell of the animal's blood, getting farther away. I look back at the castle and the warmth it promises within its walls. But it has felt colder inside for weeks now. I haven't seen my friends in what seems like ages. They probably wouldn't miss me in a couple of hours this late at night.

With that thought as comfort, I venture into the woods and the dark welcomes me.

I realise my mistake later, when the scream reaches my ears through the trees.