𝕗𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 | ᴇɴ-

𝟏𝟐

I stumble into the ballroom, feeling disoriented.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Damn it, I thought I'd gotten over this already. My legs shake and the sunlight streaming in from the windows blinds me. I hadn't felt this sick since the incident with Sunghoon-hyung at the pool, but these days the feeling comes back sporadically.

After Sunoo-hyung found me in the bathroom, I began feeling better. In part because of his brightness, but also because the illness was receding. Everything started to look better. Except there was one thing missing. No matter how much I denied it, I missed Sunghoon. So I followed him. When I was alone, I'd shadow him around the hallways. And every time he would end up going back to the swimming pool, putting his feet in the water.

Weeks ago, I would've been right beside him, splashing water on his face. Now he was on his own, looking as sick as I felt. Back then I didn't know Jungwon-hyung had been spying on me too.

I grab onto a pillar in the ballroom, trying to maintain balance. What is going on? Why am I feeling sick all over again? I press my forehead to the cold cement and wait for the feeling to pass. It always does, sooner or later.

Finally, I slip into the floor with my back to the pillar. At this time of the day, the castle looks painted with gold. Since I was little I've always liked the ballroom. I loved it when it was full of people, moving around the tiles in synchronised movements, but also when it was deserted like now. Because then I'd have it all to myself.

I stand up and move over to its center. There is a golden tile there, shining with the orange glint of the sun. I begin there, moving slowly at first and gaining confidence to go faster and more elaborately. Dancing has always been an escape to me. There's a moment during the practice in which my body begins moving at its own accord and it's liberating. Especially in times like this.

Sunoo-hyung has fallen ill. He doesn't say anything and I pretend like I don't notice for his sake, but I know he's not okay. He hasn't been okay since the little party at the swimming pool. It's a strange déjà vu.

Ever since that day he has tired very quickly and I can see the bags under his eyes grow each day. He goes to sleep early and doesn't feel like playing anymore. It reminds me of how I was right after the incident with Sunghoon-hyung in the swimming pool.

I wish things could go back to before all this ordeal. Before I got mad at Sunghoon, and before we played hide and seek. Before, when we used to play on the grounds outside the castle, and we bid goodbye to the monarchs on their trip overseas. Back when we were all still friends, not this pretend relationship.

Sweat begins to drip down my face but I keep moving, my feet dragging me around the room. Sunlight fades in the horizon, turning the room a mellow blue. My breath is agitated but it's not the fever. For once, it makes me happy. Because, for once, it's not sickening.

I've seen my hyungs get sick, one by one starting with Heeseung-hyung and moving on to Sunghoon and Sunoo. The rest make themselves so scarce that I wouldn't be surprised if they got the fever too and are just hiding away. Just like Jungwon-hyung says, it's only a matter of time.

But I thought I had already been done with it.

I had begun felt so much better. My arms and legs felt stronger than ever. I felt restless. At night, my body would be awake and I would listen to the sound of the woods. And the moon, so beautiful. Always overlooking everything.

One night, I was looking out at the grounds outside the castle when I saw someone standing in the fields. It had been so bizarre. I was positive it was person because my eyes were sharper in the dark. But what were they doing there? I had thought for a moment that it was just a servant, or the groundskeeper maybe. That is until they turned around and I saw our hyung's face.

The image has stayed in my mind for days. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't know who to tell. Maybe Jungwon-hyung would listen. He's the only one of us that still keeps some innocence. But there would've been no point in telling him. Besides, Heeseung-hyung hadn't really done anything. He had just been standing there. Lately, it felt like everyone was doing just that. Standing alone in the middle of this darkness doing whatever it is that they do, not telling anyone. Why are we like this? When did we stop being so close?

My clothes are damp and my breathing ragged. The last sun rays are disappearing in the distance. My body feels tired and I stop in the middle of the ballroom with my feet on that one golden tile.

"I thought I'd never see you dance again."

I snap my head to the source of the voice. How come I didn't hear anyone coming?

"What are you doing here?" I ask, frowning.

"I came to see you," Sunghoon-hyung says, stepping into the room.