Beauty Loves Beast || Pop Smoke

Closer pt 1

Reanna

My schedule has been a little hectic but here in Chicago the hookah bar & the club are doing just fine... perfect even. I've hired 2 more assistants to help out one girl each business & Abby is in New York holding down the fort. I've booked my flight just like I told Mama Audrey I would. I leave tomorrow morning. We've been on the phone non stop all week when I can find the free time. So much actually that Chris has been pressing the issue that we don't chill enough anymore.

We actually got into it  earlier this week because I was looking at Bashar's Instagram.. just wanting to see his face & I was actually reading his messages again.

When he seen it ... it was like a switch flipped in his head and he snatched my phone from my hand "What's this about bro? You checking for this nigga while laying next to me." I sit up in the bed reaching for my phone just to have him snatch it backwards out of my reach. I roll my eyes dropping my butt back on the bed "You're tripping on a man I'm not even speaking to.. he probably wouldn't even respond .. that's probably living his life without me ... I just wanted to make sure he was doing good."

He looked up at me from my phone screen like I had shit on my face "What you checking on him for Reanna... what real reason do you have for checking up on a nigga that you believe is better off without you? Huh? Girl... you so wrapped up in him that you gone miss out on the man that's been picking up the fucking broken pieces! "

I don't say anything I just slide off the side of the bed tears stinging my eyes and my throat tight  ... I start to walk towards the doorway because I need to go downstairs for some fresh air now. I don't wanna talk about this anymore... not now .. not ever. Chris literally storms up behind me slamming the door back shut so I can't leave "Tell me why! Why not me Reanna? Why won't you choose me? What does he have that I don't? Answer me!"

When he yelled at me it's like something snapped. "MY HEART! Because I love him! Because I'm STILL so deeply  in love with him... that it's killing me everyday! Even after everything! It's like I can't stop ... even though we aren't together anymore ... moving on is fucking hard! I never asked you to pick up the broken pieces... you decided to do that on your own! You want me to love you like ... I'm yours... like you're him & I CAN'T! Is that what you wanna hear! That I don't know how to love you because I haven't stopped loving him. Cause that's the answer I have for you."

He drops his hand from the door I look up and can see every bit of pain my words caused him ... I hurt his heart .. I know I did ... his eyes say it all... I broke his heart.. but I didn't want to.

As I'm looking at him my tears fall over the edge and he reaches for me pulling me into his chest ... his bare skin is hot with embarrassment or pain ... I can't tell which... but it doesn't stop me for apologizing to him."Chris .. I'm so sorry."

He just rubs my back and kisses the top of my head ... his voice softer now ... calmer "I understand. I'm sorry that I was being so inconsiderate of your feelings baby... the love of your life hurt you and that takes time to heal from. And don't worry about not knowing how to love me... when you're ready and not a moment before ... I'll teach you how."

His words brought me no comfort.  I didn't wanna learn how to love him... I just wanted to love Bashar and right now that felt so far from my hold.

The next morning ...

I just finished getting dressed when I noticed that Chris wasn't anywhere to be found. He wasn't in the room when I woke up this morning and he hasn't said anything to me since yesterday.

I just brush it off Darren has already came and grabbed my bags and we'll be going to the airport in about 10 minutes. When I walk downstairs I'm met with the smell of breakfast and when Chris sees me he doesn't hide his 160 kilowatt smile he just puts a plate on the counter and says "For you ma."