Always//H.S. (Sequel to Alive)

1 step forward, 3 steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

GO READ MY NEW BOOK PORTLYN VILLA!!!!!!!!

lila rose
(present day...february 21st 2018...7:20 am)

"you said yes?" journee screams across the table as i slowly explain to them my ideas and reasons for actually going through with this, no matter how stupid the idea could be or even how good the idea could go. i don't want this to ruin me, and the possibilities of that happening kept me up all night.

dropping an emergency meeting on delta, journee, and my head warehouse manager peyton and his team down on the table wasn't my best decision as a ceo, but it needs to be done, especially since the meeting with harry would be any day soon, just depending on when they get back to me. "i felt like...this could be good," i whisper, uncomfortable with sharing my feelings with them. "and no i'm not trying to do anything that has to do with our romantic times, i want this for wildflower cosmetics...we need a change," i say, picking at my scars under the table and i stop when i use the tip of my pointed nail to carve a line in my skin nervously.

"i'm so proud of you, sinclair...this is so good for you," peyton says from down the table, and i try and contain a smile at those words. "i'm excited...now, let's talk numbers," i open up the folder peyton has handed me, journee clicking her pen and starting to write down everything peyton says.

"the length of the collection can't be more than six items, we just don't have that much room to sell both the posy polish and the new line, whatever it does end out to be," peytons assistant dominic says as i flip through the papers, nodding. "we have a meeting with him and his team in twenty four hours, they just emailed back, saying they want this to be sold and started in time for christmas so sooner is better," journee says, turning for me to see the email and i nod, knowing that it doesn't leave me a lot of time to prepare. i stand from the table, ready to spend hours upon hours in my office to get all of this set up right.

wildflower cosmetics is so important to me, it's more important than the amount of sleep i get. even when it comes to just a regular day, i spend at least time of eight hours at the office, and more at home. i want them to be impressed by our company, and be able to take a huge part of this collection along with harry and i. i know it's not just gonna be us, but at the same time i do hope this helps us more than hurts us.

"i'll send you a copy of the presentation we can go over with them, i'm sure everything will be fine," i smile, waving to them before closing the door to my white office, small splashes of pale blue here and there. i put my back against the cold wall, pushing my arms back against it too, closing my eyes.

this was going to be okay, right?

_____
Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?
(present day...february 22nd 2018...2:00am-9:00am)

i don't know what i was thinking.

i've been over the presentation twelve times in the last five hours, repeating my words over and over again for endless audiences of my cat and the pile of laundry needing to be folded. i don't know why this certain one needs to be so perfect, but it's almost like i need him to know that i actually was doing something productive rather than crying over the fact that he left the way he did.

i finally found some sort of comfort in the fact that i had seven more hours to take up time going over it again and again as well as going through my whole closet trying to find something that wasn't too sexy but gave him a run for his money. i don't want to shove it in his face, especially since i know leaving him made me focus more on my body than what's healthy.

i left my house an hour earlier than i would have usually, feeding loki, and i made sure to wear my highest heels, not before making sure i knew how to walk in them. journee and delta were already there, and by the way they widened their eyes at me, i knew my mission was accomplished. my eyeliner was sharp, my lips a glossy clear and i left my cheeks their freckled rose color. i had only a glass of water with apple cider vinegar in it before i left, so that was settled in my stomach a little better than my usual smoothie.