Always//H.S. (Sequel to Alive)

reckless

Said you'd never hurt me
but here we are
Oh, you swore on every star
How could you be so reckless
with my heart?

lila rose

he cut his hair.

it was a Leonardo DiCaprio look, long on the top down by the ears, looking like fluffy clouds, and silky smooth. it felt odd, running my fingers through the new territory for me to discover, but i guess i would just have to get used to it. just like i will with seeing harry around jupiter.

jupiter isn't good for harry, and i know he knows that, but at the same time i can see in his eyes that he wants to believe jupiter is good for him. jupiter doesn't do anything for harry besides be a horrendous distraction. if harry would let me, i would always be that distraction for him, never drugs or alcohol. those distractions that would take him from reality in a pleasure that was good, in a good fucking session,and a good night. No more crying and no more hangovers, just us. The only hangover with us would be the pleasure.

the car in front of me slows around the corner as I make my way to harry's place, telling the kind man at the gate my name, and he let me through easily, watching me drive away.

there was a small white car in his driveway, one that resembled jeff's, but i couldn't fully tell from where i was in my car, before walking up to the front door, holding two coffees in my hand. he had a rough, jagged, night the other night, and i feel like talking through it and actually trying to get to the bottom of why he's feeling this way is important, even if that's not what he wanted to do. he said i was his home, and as much as that made me feel accomplished, i also knew it meant nothing.

it's just sex, and he was drunk.

i knock three times on the door, the coffees hot in my hand and it takes a minute before the door opens, a shirtless harry standing there, his chest heaving almost as if he was running, a pair of joggers on his hips. i couldn't quite pick out the look he had on his face, but i could see panic laced in the back of those green eyes. "hi," i whisper, shifting on my feet, and he looks behind him, before quickly back at me. "hi," he says back, opening the door slowly and i make mental note of the way he keeps looking around, almost as if someone's here. "i brought coffee..was hoping we could talk?" i whisper and he nods, taking his coffee and i flinch when i hear a pair of feet walking down the hallway, and i stop, seeing a flash of blonde hair and a girl, standing just a few inches above me. harry looks from me to the fake blonde, her roots outgrown but her hips were small, and her legs were perfect.

she looked like how i wanted to look.

"lila, this is my friend...brittany," harry says and the girl looks between us, her hair crazy and her skirt high on her hips, bunched in places that made my head spin. something pings in my chest, drilling a knife into my heart and my hands tighten around the coffee, harry's eyes watching me closely and he scratches the side of his neck. "she was just leaving," harry says, voice rough and she frowns. "but i thought you wanted-" she starts, but he cuts her off. "this is lila, my coworker, we've got some stuff to talk about," harry says and he's a terrible liar by the way her face falls, nodding and heading for the door, not even daring to put her heels on. i watch her leave, my hands burning with hot coffee and harry's eyes are glued to me, the sound of the door shutting ringing through the house

they were fucking.

it hurt, but there was something in me screaming for me to forget it, and pull myself away from the thought of her, but i couldn't. harry's voice was slow as he said something and i stumble back a little, clearing my throat, and tears threaten my eyes.

"you're the one who said it was just fucking, lila,"

"i've got to go," i say quickly, turning on my heels. i drop my coffee into the trash can by the door, wiping my face and harry runs out after me, talking into my ear but i can't hear a thing. "you're the one who said it was just fucking, lila," he says again, and i nod, turning. "i did, so i'm leaving. i don't want to talk to you right after you fucked her," i shrug, hiding the way the tears threatened my eyes, and i open my car door, closing it with a crash, and he runs his hands through the hair, rolling his neck as i pull out of the driveway, going fast down the street, tears streaming down my face for no reason at all.