Always//H.S. (Sequel to Alive)

seastroke

(no lyrics for this song :)

H.

(present day...april 1st...3:04 am)

the whole world around me is spinning.

my feet were numb, my hands red and sore, and my lips felt like the desert, nothing felt right when it wasn't with her. the glass in my hand was as heavy as stone, just like my whole body felt at this bar stool, jupiter beside me with a girl draped over his lap, one hand in her hair, the other up her skirt.

i tried not to watch.

"jupie," i beg, pleading for him to take me home, i didn't care if he was busy, i can't sit here anymore and think about all that's going on. lila wants friends with benefits, not me, i haven't picked up a guitar in almost a year, my house is empty and cold.

lila moved.

she fucking moved out of the home that was supposed to be ours, a house that was ready for us to continue our romance in, and a place where we could go to just talk and have a space for us, but we can't. i ruined our chances of being a regular couple and being able to make babies and get married, and now it's all to shit. "jupie, take me home," i beg again, pushing my glass away, and it crashes off of the bar top, the girl in his lap screeching at the sound. i've gotten used to it.

"just go to the car, stoner," jupie sighs, handing me the keys, and i feel sweat dripping down my back as i stand, my thighs sweaty and sore from the gym. i make my way to the car, falling into the back seat and i close my eyes as i let the cold leather cool my hot skin. it was minuets, maybe even seconds before i was closing my eyes, letting the feeling of drunkenness crowd around me, and even through all of that fog, all i could think of was her.

it's been a whole two weeks since we've said anything to each other at all. any meetings we had were silent on both ends, and phone calls were missed. i didn't feel comfortable reaching out if she didn't want me to in the first place. we didn't end on bad notes or anything, i just think the thought of our new reality when it came to just sex was something neither of us actually wanted to process, or at least i didn't want to. i wanted her, god i always want her, and if sex is the only way we can be together, then that is better than nothing.

she's the best i've ever had when it comes to that, so submissive but able tis tbd her ground at the same time. she's different, thick beautiful thighs and a bouncy ass, jiggly and round by her soft hips. she's a dream.

"where you goin' tonight, stoner?" jupiter's voice makes me jump awake finally, and i see his girl in the front seat beside him, his hand in her lap, probably pressing ag her underwear. "lila," i get out, my kitty feeling full of cotton and sand, my hands rough and hard as i run them down my face. "okay," he says, whipping around corners and i slide a hand out from under my chest to hold onto the seat, my chain necklace tight around my throat, or maybe it was just my air constriction.

the next time i wake up i'm being set at a doorstep, hearing jupiters voice mixed with hers. "what the fuck did you do to him?" she mumbles, and i stumble to the ground, holding my newly bruised elbow. "he's drunk, obviously, didn't do anything," jupiter says, and i watch him walk down the front stairs, running towards his girl and lila sighs. "m' sorry," i whisper, stumbling to my feet and she shakes her head, looking up at me tiredly. "it's okay, harry, come inside, yeah? it's cold out," she whispers and i gulp, wiping my hands on my pants before stumbling through into her living room, crashing down onto the couch.

the room smells just of her, and i hear lokis bell as he runs into the room. "harry...drink some water," lila says, and i shake my head, shoving my head into the pillows, never wanting to approach the fact that i was here, in a house that smelt of her, with her cat and her beautiful big blue eyes. i want to go back to the bar and try to forget this, and wish away everything i had ever said before.