Always//H.S. (Sequel to Alive)

halley's comet

I haven't slept since Sunday
Midnight for me is 3:00 a.m. for you
But my sleepless nights are better
With you than nights could ever be alone, ooh-ooh-ooh
I was good at feeling nothing, now I'm hopeless
What a drag to love you like I do, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh

this ones extra long

like my weiner

god I'm so fucking funny

anyway I'm trying to make these longer so bare with me.

h.
(present day...april 8th 2018...1 pm)

i stood there still as stone.

her face was red, sweat beading around her hair and her eyes were as wide as dinner plates, as the plate she had eaten the pancake off of. i feel my hand tighten around her phone, and a single tear runs down my cheek, her mouth opening slightly before she closes it, speechless, just as i was.

"harry...," she starts, but i can barely even hear her over the pounding in my head. it was all making sense.

the tight shirts and skirts, long runs and hours at the gym, it was all adding up in my head, and i felt so fucking stupid to not have realized it before, and so dumb to overlook her fucking problems. she said it last night, she hates eating, but for some reason, i didn't connect the dots in my head, and god i wish i had. "please tell me this isn't what i'm thinking it is," i pleaded in a whisper, and i'm shocked by the strain in my voice, her eyes following mine with every move of them, as if she doesn't want to miss one single tear.

"i...i didn't want you to know," she trembles out, and i feel sick to my stomach, reaching out for her, and i immediately bring her into my chest, biting my inner lip to not sob, imagining all of the times she must have done this to herself alone. i place her phone in her pocket, immediately picking her up from under her thighs, starting to slowly walk back to my room, knowing neither of us could try and explain how we were feeling, or for her, why she does it.

"i-i'm sorry...i'm sorry," her voice makes my heart break with every cry, and i run my hands over her thighs, kissing her wet cheek and her hair, and i talk quietly. "we don't have to talk about it right now," i whisper and she stays quiet as i settle her down into my bed, her hands detaching from my arms as she curls onto her side, her eyes closed, and small tears fall from her eyelashes, landing on the pillow below her beautiful bright hair. i crawl in on my side, peeling my shirt off and keeping my hair in its small bun at the top of my head, curling into her cold body. "i just want everything to be perfect," she whispers into my chest as i hold her to me, and i shush her, stroking my knuckle across her wet cheek, her small cute nose red and her eyes a piercing blue, that same blue that makes me so happy. "i know, pup, i know," i whisper, watching as her tired eyes close finally, leaving me in my own thoughts, and i squeeze my eyes closed, not exactly knowing what to do, or even how to handle this situation in the first place.

i knew we both had things to work on, but this was the last thing i coerced from the conversation we had only a night ago. she knew i hated drugs, but couldn't stay away from them, and she knew how hard losing the boys and her was, and even when it came to losing gem. she didn't know anything about why or how that happened, but when it does come around to it, we both have issues. hers are more on my mind than my own at this point.

she seems to have triggers, small things that make her visibly uncomfortable and cringe, so maybe seeing herself in that video caused that reaction. i knew something was off, i knew by the way she looked at her food, and she was always typing into her phone under the table as she would eat, never getting anything to drink besides water, and i even noticed it the first time we met face to face again. she wouldn't drink her coffee fully.