Always//H.S. (Sequel to Alive)

candy paint

Half price my whip, same price my watch
Got no jumper, but I ball a lot
Bitch, I'm young Stoney, I do what I want

(january 12th 2016...3:30 pm)

harry

i hate this place.

this isn't a home, no matter what people say, this isn't my home-and it never has been. i raise my hand up to undo the lock on the door, picking at the edge of the brass key with my sore knuckles as the door slides open, the front entry way of my house filled with dust as i step inside. it's so cold in here.

it's different, the feeling i get when i'm alone now, like someone should be with me but they aren't. and i screwed it all up for us. i miss her, my lila rose, i miss her so much.

but i know deep down i did the right thing.

"took you long enough," i jump around ten feet when i hear jeff's voice behind me, and i inhale a long breath, not wanting this right now. i want to be alone-learn how to get along with myself again. i need to let her go, even if it's gonna take a while. "jeff, cmon," i mumble, running a hand through my hair, throwing my bag down onto the couch and he sits down on the counter, swaying his legs back and forth. i go straight for the liquor cabinet.

"what are you gonna do, harry...," he whispers and i flick my head to look at him. "i just got home from an 8 month tour and you're already worried about what's next?" i say, filling one of the many new shot glasses i've enquired on tour. i don't want to do this-go down the drain like one direction did where we were constantly working...i thought i had told that to jeff.

"not that harry...come sit down, you need to take a breather man," he says as i slug down the third shot, feeling the buzz in my finger tips. it tastes so bad, but feel so fucking good. "i don't wanna do this-"

"what are you going to do without lila,"

i stop my movements, my whole body stilling, and i feel emotional distress crash into the middle of my nose, making my eyes water and i clench my jaw so hard it buzzes in my ears. i don't know, i don't know what i'm going to do. she was every second of my day until i decided to mess it up, and now i'm back to being alone again. to be so fucking lonely, with no one to care. i know there's people i can see, Mitch and Jeff and...i don't even know, but i know i'm not alone. i'm just so fucking lonely.

"harry," i hear him mumble and i wipe at my eyes but even taking a second to think before i'm throwing the shot glass straight at the wall, jeff gasping as it shatters into millions of pieces on the floor, and i sink down next to it, sobbing and shaking, missing her. missing the girl i loved most in the world. "i messed up, i messed up-" i sob, jeff crouching down next to me, pushing the broken glass away from my body as i try my best to keep myself calm.

"cmon bud, you're better than this...get some sleep, yeah? maybe you can go take a hot shower...harry she's gonna be back," jeff says, and i shake my head, tears falling faster and faster the more i think about her. she was everything to me, she was there when i cried and screamed and laughed, and she was there for me to see when i got home and i messed that all up. i don't have that person to make happy anymore.

"i lost her...she won't come back...i messed everything up," i sob, and jeff huffs, sliding onto the floor beside me, wrapping his arm around me, and i put my head in my hands.

"i know, bud, i'm sorry,"

_____________

(august 27th 2016...11:30 pm)

Hundred thousand dollars on the table top...

"who you taking home tonight, stoner?"