Conner had made a b-line for his car as soon as he was out of the computer lab. He had only gone in because he had felt bad for shoving the girl with the cast on her arm that morning. He had planned to go in, apologize and then leave, hopefully without fucking everything up again. He had noticed no one had signed her cast and felt bad about that so he offered then wrote his name maybe slightly bigger than necessary. Everything was fine until he glanced at that paper.
It said his name. He hadn't bothered reading further, he just freaked out, screamed in her face (for the second time that day) and stormed off (also for the second time that day). He finally reached the orchard and stopped his car. The place had been shut down years ago, which conveniently allowed Conner to use it as his go-to spot to get high and forget everything.
He found his normal spot in a clearing surrounded by trees and sat down, taking out his pot and starting to smoke. The piece of paper was still clutched in his hand and he looked at it now. From the first sentence, he could tell the girl was depressed. As he read further, he began to realize exactly how bad it actually was.
"'I mean, face it: would anybody notice if I disappeared tomorrow?'" he read aloud.
He was definitely not high enough for this and went back to smoking his pot. Discounting the part where she claimed all her hope was pinned on...him, everything she said captured what he thought practically every day of his life. As the effects of the drugs took over, clouding his mind, he folded up the letter and stuck it in his pocket.
I wish that everything was different. I wish that I was a part of...something. I wish that anything I said...mattered to anyone...would anybody notice...would anybody notice...would anybody notice... The words echoed in his brain as he stared up at the clear blue sky. That one question especially resounded with him, striking a nerve.
Would anybody notice? Well, if she really wanted to pin all her hopes on him for some inexplicable reason, he would do it. He would make sure he noticed. That had to count toward something, right?
YOU ARE READING
Dear Evalynn Hansen
FanfictionEvalynn Hansen, younger twin sister of Evan Hansen, has had a rough summer. When Connor Murphy, the boy she's had a crush on since eighth grade steals a letter she wrote to herself, her whole life changes. TW: Talks about suicide, depression, anxiet...
