Pure Tears. Pure Love. Pure Pain.

Chapter Twenty Nine

The drive back to the jet was silent. Bucky was driving, and you were sat in the back on your own. Thor was trying to lighten the mood by telling stories of him and Loki in Asgard when they were kids. Bucky laughed occasionally, everytime his eyes shifting to you through the front mirror. But you were sat with your arms folded, looking out the window. Your face had turned from the view of Thor and Bucky.

When you arrived at the jet, you got out of the car immediately and walked onto the jet. Despite trying to keep up with you, Bucky gave up and let you board. "I'm sorry man," said Sam, as Bucky leaned on the door of the car.

"I don't know what to do," Bucky ran his hands through his hair in exasperation, "I don't know what to say to her, to bring her comfort. I mean it's tearing her apart. And I can't do anything, I can't help her and tell her it'll be okay. She won't even look at me. I don't know what to do."

It was your fault. As you sat on Tony's luxury jet, you couldn't help the feeling of guilt that washed over you. The jet was miles from the ground now, and the clouds were surrounding you. The jet was huge, to say the least, you were sat in one of the cream, leather chairs. One closest to the window. Bucky was sat in the seat of four around a table. Sam, Steve and Nat with him.

You knew he was worried about you. And you felt guilty for putting your walls up higher and ignoring how he was trying to comfort you. Bruce and Tony were sat side by side on a large sofa, both looking at tablet screens. Thor was talking to Vision about the 'man of spiders' as Wanda flipped through her favourite cookbook. Rhodey and Clint were both asleep, although Rhodey's phone kept lighting up every five seconds. He probably shouldn't be sleeping.

The plane hit some turbulence, just as you went routing for your headphones. You were thrown onto the floor, as you pulled them out of your bag. Your head it the floor first, "Ow, fuck," you exclaimed, causing the team to turn to face you. Bucky practically fell out of his chair too as he raced over towards you. He helped you to sit up before bombarding you with questions. "Buck jesus," you said, standing up, "I'm fine,"

You sat back in your chair, before connecting your headphones and ignoring the glares from everyone. Bucky sat back down in his chair, he was talking to the others but his eyes never once left you.

It was awkward to say the least. Tony and Bruce tried to pretend it didn't happen by continuing to talk about some sort of scientific thing. You pulled your knees to your chest, and rested your head on them. Staring out the window as the jet continued on it's journey. You let your eyes wander to Bucky. Just for a second.

He was already staring at you.

Usually this would've given you butterflies, but today you felt guilt. Like you were going to throw up. After you quickly looking away, Bucky didn't look at you at all for the rest of the flight. You couldn't tell which was worse.

——————

When the jet landed, the team filtered off back to their rooms to get some rest, occasional conversations still being had. Most people eventually left however, after a few days of little sleep. Steve was one of the last to leave the jet, wanting to talk to you. But him seeing that Bucky was also there too. It probably wasn't a good idea.

At first you thought that Bucky would stay and try to talk to you. But instead he grabbed Nat's bag from the overhead locker along with his own, and ignored you as he spoke to her and headed for the exit. As Nat stepped off the plane, he looked back at you. "I'm sorry," you whispered, walking slowly over to Bucky. Nat knew that you both needed some privacy, and so caught up to Steve quickly.

You grabbed his wrist, "I don't want to talk about it, but I am sorry," you knew he cared for you, just by the way he looked at you. As much as it was sweet, and you cared for him too. This was unusual. "I need to deal with this alone Bucky, not want, need. And I know it's gonna tear you apart not being able to help. I'm so so sorry, but this is how I've always dealt with stuff. I'm sorry Buck,"

"You're not alone anymore," Buck said, "Everyone here wants to help you. Hell, y/n they'll follow you anywhere to help you. Whether you leave the tower secretly at midnight or need to find a secret base that could be in Chicago. Stop making excuses, I need you. I can't lose you because I did that before and it was horrible. It broke me y/n. I won't do it again, I won't let you do it to me again,"

You reached for his arm, but he stepped back. "Bucky I need you, you are my best friend and my boyfriend. But I can't just pretend I'm okay so you can feel like you are there for me. I deal with things alone, because I've been alone my whole life. This is how I deal with things. I still want you and I still need you. But please Buck-"

"Y/N," you felt distraught, like if he walked away now your heart would shatter into a thousand pieces. But you knew he would. You knew that he wouldn't be able to sit by you, be falling in love with you when you blocked him out.

"I'm sorry," a tear slid down your cheek, "Please Buck-"

He laughed, a sad laugh. "No," your face fell, Bucky let go of your wrist, and it fell to your side. He walked away. Stepping from the jet, and down the stairs. You stared after him, not being able to take your eyes off him as he walked away from you. You wiped the tears from your eyes, and picked your bag off the floor, suddenly feeling lost.

Did Bucky just break up with you?

Authors Note: This is late because I've been ill. Idk if it's just schools in the UK but at the moment there's been so many colds. Anyway I'm feeling better so here you go. Hope everyone is okay and well <3