Pure Tears. Pure Love. Pure Pain.

Chapter Thirty Five

Sam had already left to visit his family, Nat and Steve were preparing for the airport, Wanda and Vision were busy packing and Thor was officially 'off world' as of yesterday.

The avengers were now heading off for Christmas, the group gradually dispersing or getting ready too. You knew eventually both you and Bucky would end up alone in the tower. Neither of you had family to visit or a place to go. As people started to leave it began to get quieter. You felt more lonely than you did before.

You were sitting in the living room with Bruce as Nat and Steve were rechecking the bags. Steve had a list and he was ticking things off as he went through them. Nat was getting pissed because she said forgetting things was the beauty of being able to go to the duty free shop.

It was about midday a week after your and Bucky's break up (official break up anyway), and Christmas festivities were more common than ever. Sam had been texting you since he'd been gone. And you'd seen the tree he helped put up with his nephews. He had said his invite to go visit was still standing but you didn't want to impose. Clint was back and forth from the tower, he was still on shield time until the 15th, but had been living between home and here so you didn't see him that often. Similar to Tony, he was pretty much in California with Pepper for the foreseeable.

When Steve had decided they were fully packed he left to call a cab, and Nat sat down next to you on the sofa. "Are you sure you'll be okay on your own?" she asked you, although her eyes were fixed on the suitcases by the elevator. You could tell she was excited, despite saying things were just normal with Steve.

"I'll be fine," you said, "I have lots to catch up on, reading and film and tv. The kitchen to myself. I'll be fine. Enjoy your holiday with Steveeee," she whacked your arm but she still smiled.

Both Steve and Nat left for the airport soon after, and the tower became quieter once more. Bruce made you a coffee, and sat with you and you asked him questions about science-y stuff. He told you about his cabin in Canada, it sounded peaceful. You could do with one. He offered you an invite but you turned it down. You hated sympathy and people's plans shouldn't change because of your pathetic love life.

Wanda and Vision left for Buenos Aires in two days and Bruce left for Canada in a week. You knew that soon enough it would just be you and Bucky left in the tower. As much as you didn't want to see him right now, or ever, you wanted to know if it would actually be you and him alone.

When Bruce left to go back to his lab, you headed back to your room. The tower felt kind of eerie, like it was too silent. There was no music, or training or shouting or complaining about missions.

You stood outside Bucky's room, debating on knocking on the door. As much as you wanted to talk to him you didn't want to see him and his new girl together in his room. You remembered when you ordered takeaway and watched Star Wars while wrapped in blankets. When you slept in each other's arms so you didn't have nightmares. When he slept in an uncomfy chair next to you in a hospital room. He was perfect. He was your best friend and your soulmate. Why weren't you his?

Deciding that you had to do it, you knocked on Bucky's door. Three times, like you always did. It was a while until Bucky opened the door, and when he did he was extremely shocked to see you. "Y/N?" he said, confused. Wondering why you were stood at his door, wearing his old hoodie that was your favourite, looking sad.

"That's me," you responded, forcing yourself to laugh. "Are you busy? Can I come inside or shall I stand in the doorway?" he opened the door wider and allowed you to step inside his room.

His room was tidier than before, all his clothes put away. Not even a hoodie was thrown over the back of his desk chair. The windows were open, making the room colder and you shivered. Bucky closed one of his windows. His bed was neatly made with new sheets. They used to be dark grey, and he kept one of your cushions with his pillows. But the sheets were white now, and your cushion was gone.

"So what's up?" Bucky asked you. You drew your eyes from his room and looked at him. He looked really worried. You noticed how he messed with his fingers as he looked at you. He used to run his hands through his hair when he was worried.

"Nothing much, you?" he looked confused, "sorry I'll get to the point. Probably about to go see your girlfriend," he scoffed and rolled his eyes, you were being petty but to be fair, you didn't really give a fuck. He deserved shit for what he did to you. "What are your plans for Christmas?"

"What do you mean?"

"What are you fucking stupid?" you remarked, "Are you staying here or going away or spending it at the bitchy brunette's?"

He sighed, "Just because she's the new girl I'm dating doesn't mean that you can be horrible. But I don't have any plans with her, or anyone. I'm staying here, as Steve informed me you were. Just me and you. Alone. In the tower. For two weeks."

"Haha funny," you said sarcastically, "just so you know her friends are bitches, the ones at the front desk. You're so basic,"

"I'm not basic," he said, folding his arms. "You're the one who dumped me after breaking up with me,"

"Because you cheated on me!"

"It's not cheating if we're not together,"

"We weren't exactly broken up, you made that decision by yourself without letting me know if I remember correctly," he scoffed, "oh yeah and you left me a note saying you loved me which was a complete and utter fucking lie!"

He rolled his eyes but didn't throw back an argument to what you had just said. Confirming that it was just a lie after all. "I'm gonna go," you said as your voice broke. "I'm sorry for interrupting your day." You didn't know what else to say so you just opened the door and left. You stopped outside your door, and sat by the ceiling to floor window instead. This was just not how it was supposed to be, and it broke your heart that everything he wrote in that letter was a lie. Him being gone was breaking your heart.

Talking to Bucky was probably not the best idea. Given that you were still completely in love with him.