Architects of the Cataclysm

Inventory

What am I feeling right now? Frustrated because I can't even answer the first fucking question.

Elaina rolled her shoulders, shook her arms, and bounced on the balls of her feet. She felt the agitation rippling across her skin, zipping to her fingers which curled in response.

Anger — at this stupid process, at that telekinetic bitch, and at Cat for putting me in this place.

She looked around her, drinking in where exactly this place was.

With her a few weeks into the training sessions, she'd earned enough brownie points to get access to certain areas of the house. Access, however, didn't mean freedom. She was welcome to take a stroll so long as she kept a few highly trained guards with her.

She glanced over her shoulder at the two goons they'd saddled her with for the day. Despite the agitation surging through her, they stood at ease and as silent as always.

What a boring job, she thought before turning back to the expansive view before her. They could probably tell Karina all about their feelings since they spend all day inside their heads trying not to die of boredom.

Elaina stood beyond a ring of plush armchairs that surrounded a fire pit with a massive, yet attractive, fire hood. Other than that, there wasn't much to adorn the circular shaped lounge she chose for completing her homework. The real focal point of the room was the windows that overlooked the tree-covered hills rolling down into the city and out towards the bay. She watched the sun sink into the horizon, the sky burning with flames of gold and red that dissipated into the sweet embrace of lavender.

She pinched her lips, straightened her back, and tried again.

What am I feeling right now? I'm frustrated because I don't think this should be this hard. I'm angry at the situation because I have no control over it. I'm... afraid because I'm not sure what will happen even if I do get this under control. Is Cat right? Have I become Fortress' primary person of interest? Will I ever have a quiet life again?

She felt sorrow seeping in, weighing down her shoulders, which she then pushed away with a twist of her torso.

No, I have enough emotions to catalog right now. I don't need you making this more complicated.

She took a deep breath and focused on aligning her spine before drawing one foot up her leg and resting it just above her knee. She then placed her palms together before her chest. Despite her qualms with her obnoxious tutor, she wasn't afraid to admit, at least to herself, that her favorite part of her training sessions were the yoga exercises that had recently been incorporated into the sessions.

Once she found balance, she closed her eyes and breathed.

Okay, what was next? Maybe, why am I feeling this way? Well, I already answered that. Two for one, go me! Anyway, next was... How can I channel this energy?

She paused, allowing her thoughts to absorb the question.

Well, I could bring out Purr-seus and see if I can get Thing 1 or Thing 2 back there to flinch. However, that is apparently frowned upon here.

Still, she grinned at the thought and savored the image of her tentacled companion sharing the space with her. Then she recalled that Purr-seus was an illusion and not a true house pet. With frustration taking hold once again, she circled back to the original question.

How am I supposed to channel this fucking energy if I can't unleash it? If I was living by myself alone in the woods, then I could just release it all into the air without fear of anyone feeling the reverberations of my own dismal existence. But, now I don't even know if that's a possibility. Maybe if Cat would actually talk to me again, he could tell me where I go from here, but no, instead, I only ever see Walt and Karina.

She felt the anger burning her skin, but another emotion threatened to temper it with a frigid breeze that would chill her to the bone.

Why would he talk to me, though? All he promised was to help me deal with this and that's what he's doing. He's providing resources to guide me along to a new future. After what I did to him, there's no way he'd ever face me in person again. I know I wouldn't... except I have to wake up every morning to see myself in the mirror. No matter how far I run, I won't ever get away from myself.

Her balance faltered, and she fell forward, catching herself with her forearms before dipping her face into her hands and coating her palms with tears.

What am I feeling? I don't know. I'm angry and I'm sad. I'm frustrated and I'm desperate. I'm overwhelmed and I'm so very lonely.

She took a deep breath, rubbing the heels of her palms into her eyes to wipe the tears away. Pulling herself up, she sat back and crossed her legs. Outside, the sun had disappeared from view, leaving the sky hazy and cold. Within the glow radiating from the city below, none of the stars dared to wink at her.

Why do I feel this way? Is it because everything's been taken from me? Is it because a part of me wonders if this is what I deserve? Or does it have to do with the fact that another part of me doesn't want to go back? Overall, this confusion is some bullshit.

Sniffing back the last of her tears, she watched the night settle into a deep blue above the halo surrounding the city.

How can I channel these emotions? Used to be I could go for a long walk, chop wood, paint in my barn, or whatever. Now what? I guess I could probably punch a wall...

She glanced over at the smooth finish of the room's plaster and sighed when she decided it just wouldn't be right to mar the perfect curvature of the architectural design. She may be a moody Gifted, but she was also an artist and she wasn't about to destroy someone else's work because she couldn't drag her emotions into a corner.

She breathed deep and exhaustion settled into the spaces in between her disordered thoughts.

"Well," she said to the emptiness, though she directed her words to her guards, "I think I'm ready to go back now. I hope you two didn't fall asleep on me."

"They didn't," answered an unexpected voice that spun Elaina around with a painful twist of her neck.

"Cat?"

"Hi Mir, I'm sorry it took me so long to talk with you after what happened, but I'd like to check in with you now, if you can stomach being in the same room with me."

She sat in silence, her eyes blinking at the sudden shift in her day.

What am I feeling? Light. Whatever that means. But I feel lighter.

Why do I feel this way? I don't want to admit it, but hearing his voice... well, I guess one could say he was the catalyst for the change.

How should I channel this emotion? I suppose I could start by standing up and making sure he doesn't leave.

"Yes," she said, her voice raspy as she regained her footing. After a moment of straightening her shirt and clearing her throat, she looked at him from the tops of her eyes. "Please, stay. Let's talk."