Finding Jaime

Chapter 13

Saint told us about his day, and Marvel kept looking at Jaime and patting his arm.

"Jaime, don't be sad," she said to him. "Your momma is an angel now."

Jaime looked at her, a slight smile playing on his face.

"Thanks, Marvel," he said. "But I still miss her."

"But now you have me, and momma and Saint and daddy and Bronx."

"Who?"

"Bronx is my son from my first marriage. He'll be home this weekend. He's with his mom this week," I said.

"Oh."

Saint looked at Jaime.

"Do you play Xbox?" He asked. Jaime looked over at Saint. It was the first time Saint had really to talk to Jaime. He'd been so angry yesterday, and had avoided pretty much everyone. Saint was trying to find some common ground.

"I do. Sometimes."

"Do you have an Xbox?" Saint asked.

"Nah. I played at my friend Emanuel's house."

"You didn't invite him to the funeral," I said. "I would have liked to meet him."

Jaime shrugged.

"Do you know how to swim?" Saint asked.

"I do," Jaime said.

"We have a pool. We should go swimming."

"I heard," Jaime said.

"Wanna go?" Saint asked, hopefully.

"Not right now," Jaime said. "I'm not in the mood."

Saint looked dejected.

"Okay."

"Another time," Jaime said. "Promise.  Maybe this weekend?"

Saint looked happier.

"Okay."

"Saint, you have any homework?" I asked.

He frowned at me.

"Yeah."

"Well, go get it done before dinner. Then you can play Xbox with Jaime if you, and he, want."

Saint sighed and went upstairs. I picked up everyone's plates and wiped down the counters. Marvel stayed beside Jaime.

"Marvel, go see what momma's doing."

"Okay daddy!" She said and hopped down off her stool and ran off.

"So," I said to Jaime. "I kinda have something I need to talk to you about."

Jaime looked at me skeptically.

"Am I in trouble? I apologized for your car."

"It's not about the car. But thanks.  It's about Patrick and the guys."

"Your friends," he said.

"Yeah. Well, they're a bit more than just friends."

Jaime's eyebrows raised.

"Well, we work together."

"Okay," he said.

"Yeah. Uh, we're in a band together," I said.

"Okay," he said, looking as if he was thinking 'and this is relevant because...?'

"Have you heard of 'Fall Out Boy'?" I asked.

"Yeah. The girls at school play their music a lot."

"Well, uh, we're Fall Out Boy, Patrick, Andy, Joe and I," I said.

"Yeah. Okay," he said.

"Come," I said, and led him towards my office where I kept some of our awards. He looked around the office and read the awards on the walls.

"If you're joking, it's a pretty stupid joke," he said.

"You can Google me and see," I said.

Just then Meagan came into the office.

"Oh. You told him?" She asked. Jaime looked over at her.

"It's true?" He asked. Meagan nodded.

"So, all this time... were you in the band when you dated my mom?" He asked.

"I was. We were still pretty young. We'd pretty much just had our breakthrough when I was dating your mom. Our second album had just come out."

"Is that why you left her?"

"Well, yes, and no. We were about to go out on tour, and she broke up with me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I told her about the tour and she was really excited for me. For us. And then, one day before we left, she just ended it. She didn't really explain why. She basically said she didn't want to tie me down and she didn't want to wait for me," 

Jaime frowned.

"That doesn't sound like mom," he said.

"It was a long time ago," I said.

"Did you ever think about her? About us?"

"I thought about Tanya occasionally. But she never told me about you. I had no idea she was pregnant when she broke up with me."

Jaime nodded.

"I sometimes wondered what she got up to. If she'd ever married."

"She never did. I don't know why," Jaime said.

"Did she ever talk about me?" I asked.

"No. I mean, she mentioned that she dated a musician once. But she never said it was you. Or that the musician was my dad. She never said anything about my dad. Well, you. And I never asked."

"You were never curious?"

"I dunno," Jaime said. "I wasn't the only kid without a dad around. And Mom was a really good mom."

Tears came to his eyes again. 

"I was so mean to her the last couple of months. She kept wanting to tell me about you. I kept putting her off, hoping if I stopped her from telling me, she couldn't die," he wept.

I went over to him and wrapped my arms around him. Meagan came over and rubbed his back.

"Why was I so mean?  The last thing I said to her was that I was too tired to talk to her. I thought I had more time."

Jaime sank to the ground, and we sat with him.

"You couldn't have known," I said. 

"I didn't even tell her I loved her at all in the last couple of months."

"I'm sure she knew. Tanya had a big heart. I'm sure she knew you loved her," I said.

"I don't know," Jaime said. "I was so, so mean."

I held my son while he cried. I knew there wasn't anything I could do to make this any better for him. But I could be there for him. I hadn't been able to be there for him for the first 15 years. But I could be there for him now. I could try to make up for 15 years where we hadn't known each other existed.