Finding Jaime

Chapter 62

Jaime POV

Cancer. I have cancer.

I have the kind of cancer Mom had. Well, it's in my brain. Like hers was.

Am I going to die? I don't want to die. I'm just finally finding out what it's like to be in a family. I finally have my dad in my life.  And brothers. And a little sister. A family. People who actually care.

Mom cared. I don't want to make it sound like Mom didn't care about me. She did. She tried. I didn't really let her get too close when I got older.

I think for a lot of my life (like I'm so old), I was mad at my mom for not giving me any answers when I asked who my dad was. She would never even tell me his name. I mean, how many 'Peters' are there in the world?

Father's Day always sucked. When I was little, my class would make cards and gifts, I would wind up throwing mine away on the way home from school. Especially when I got older - like fourth and fifth grades. I was really starting to get mad at Mom not telling me anything about who my dad was. I'd refuse to even participate in the activity because I wouldn't give the gift to my mom, like the teacher suggested.  By Middle School, Father's Day just further pushed me away from my mom. And then she got sick. And she stopped fighting and died.

I'm not going to stop fighting. I'm not going to be weak like she was. I'm going to fight this. Even if it kills me. Ha ha. I'm hilarious.

I tried running from the hospital, but I guess the nurses noticed I was gone before I got off the elevator. Because two really big security guards were waiting for me. They each grabbed my arm and marched me back to my room.

Dad came running down the hallway when the guards got me back to my room and seeing him and how worried he looked, I just broke down and cried. I think I cried everything I had ever been feeling about not having him in my life until now, and he's promised he's here for me.  I believe him. He is. Him and Meagan.

And Dad told me something interesting. He's scared of me dying. I, of course, am also afraid of dying. But Dad told me to keep fighting, and that he, and Meagan, and my brothers and sister, they're all going to be by my side all the way through. Until... if they can't be anymore. Or until I beat this thing.

I was having imaging done in the morning. I really hope the tumour in my brain was the only one, and not a secondary tumour.  Mom's secondary tumour was in her bones.

I fell asleep after my breakdown and pretty much slept until they brought my dinner. Dad woke me up to eat it but I wasn't hungry. And it looked gross.

"I don't want it," I said, looking at what the hospital deemed appropriate to give to sick people.

"Jaime, you have to eat. You've got to keep your strength up."

"That will not do me any favours. What even is it?" I peered at it. Dad looked, too.

"I... am not sure. No. You can't eat that. I'm not sure that's fit for human consumption," he made a face at it. I had to smile a little.

"Hey! Your face isn't totally broken. You can still smile!" He joked. I frowned at him.

""You're hilarious," I rolled my eyes at him.

"I know I am," he grinned, looking back at the 'food', grimacing and covering it back up.

"At least drink the milk. Or the juice."

"I'll drink the milk. Can we hang on to the juice for later?" I asked.

"Sure. Meagan's going to bring the kids for a quick visit after dinner. Do you want her to pick you up something... edible?"

"What is she making for dinner?" I asked. Meagan's cooking is awesome.

"Lasagna, I think."

"Can she bring me some of that?" I asked.

"Sure. I'm sure she'd be happy to," Dad smiled.

I drank the milk and Dad put the juice on the table, covers up the rest of the... food, and put the tray on this little shelf thing I had in my room. Like a desk, but there was a cabinet below it, so it would be a really uncomfortable desk.

I turned on the TV and watched some mindless show that I didn't need to concentrate on.

Dad was on his phone, texting. Maybe he was playing Candy Crush. I didn't ask.

"Hi Jaime!" Marvel's voice brought me back to the present. I looked at the little kid sitting on my bed in front of me. I smiled. I can't help it. Marvel's adorable.

"Hey Mar!" I said, opening my arms. She crawled up and gave me a hug.

"I sit in you lap?" She asked. I nodded and she smiled.

Bronx and Saint came over and offered these really weak ass fist bumps. They looked upset.

"You guys okay?" I asked them. They looked at Dad, who nodded at them.

"Meagan told us about... what you have," Bronx said.

"You can say Cancer, Bronx," I said. "I'm not going to turn into a blubbering idiot if you do."

Then I put my face in my hands and pretended to wail. I looked up and both of them looked stunned. I smiled. They both rolled their eyes.

"It's okay, guys. I'm well aware I have cancer. It's not a bad word. And I'm gonna fight like he...heck."

Dad's head shot up. I think he thought I stuttered. I nodded towards Marvel and indicated I'd changed my language mid word. It wasn't a stutter so much as a correction. He looked visibly relieved.

The kids and Meagan visited for about an hour. Meagan had brought me a huge piece of lasagne. More than I could eat in one meal. And a little bit of salad.

I ate what I could, and Meagan put my name on it and took it to the fridge where patients could keep food.

I was tired by the time Meagan took the kids home and fell asleep almost right away. I didn't dream.