Finding Jaime

Chapter 64

The next two weeks did not go better. The chemo was knocking Jaime out. After each infusion he spent hours in the bathroom, throwing up the minimal contents of his stomach. He now had a feeding tube up his nose because he couldn't eat anything. He'd developed some sores in his throat from throwing up, which hurt him terribly. His lips were constantly chapped. We were going through lip balm like crazy. We found a mint scented one that didn't hurt his lips and didn't make him feel like throwing up, so we bought as much as we thought necessary.

Jaime slept. A lot. He was either awake and throwing up or asleep. He didn't talk much, both because of the sores and his constant fatigue.

Marvel tried cheering Jaime up but he just didn't have the energy to even try.

"Jaime," I said one evening before Meagan came by with the kids. "We need to discuss school."

"I'm not going," he said.

"Well, no. Not yet. That's for sure. But do you want to try keeping up online and with a tutor or do you want to take this semester, or even the whole year off?"

"Can I think about it?" He asked, his eyes closed against another wave of nausea, as he held his stomach.

"You can, but we need to come up with something soon. Also, is it okay if Meagan stays overnight with you?  The boys miss me at home, and I have a few things I need to do for work."

"Yeah. That's fine." He said. He fell asleep again.

I'd noticed the determination from his first few treatments was gone. He seemed resigned to his current lot in life.

Jaime was fast asleep when Meagan and the kids came in.

"Do we have to come every time?" Saint asked. "All he does is sleep. It's boring."

"Your brother is fighting for his life!" Meagan said. "And you're complaining about being bored?"

Saint looked over at Jaime. He frowned. Not in anger but, I don't know. Concern? Confusion?  Jaime had lost a lot of weight because eating had been so hard and the chemo was making him throw up what little he could force down. 

Hating to do so, I woke Jaime up to let him know I was taking the kids home and that Meagan was here if he needed anything. He looked over at her, nodded and fell back to sleep.  My heart broke. I hated seeing Jaime so sick. I hated what the medicine was doing to him. I hated that this was supposed to save his life. 

I left with the boys and Marvel. All of us were silent as I drove Meagan's car home.

"Dad?" Saint said from the back seat.

"Yeah, Saint?" I replied.

"Is Jaime going to die?"

I nearly crashed into the car in front of me.

I pulled off the road into a parking lot and turned off the car. All three kids were silent as I sat and looked out the windshield, my hands gripping the steering wheel as I contemplated the question my youngest son had asked. It was one I didn't want to answer because I just didn't know.

"Dad?" Saint asked again. "I'm sorry. Forget I asked."

"No, it's okay, Saint. I just needed a second," I said. I turned around so I could see all three kids.
"The short answer is that I really don't know, Saint. The imaging he had done was okay. It showed that his cancer didn't spread, and they got everything during his surgery.  So from that perspective, Jaime should be fine.

The treatments he's getting are hard on him. He's got sores in his throat from all the throwing up, which is why he has the tube up his nose. And he's having a hard time keeping anything down, so he's losing a lot of weight right now. And eventually, he's going to lose his hair.  He's fighting so hard. And he really needs to know everyone is on his side."