Finding Jaime

Chapter 56

We sat in the doctor's office waiting to go over the results of the MRI. The results hadn't taken a week and the doctor had asked us to come in before the end of the week. I did not take this as good news. I worried. And I tried not to let Jaime know how worried I was but I think he figured it out.

Jaime's left leg was shaking. He was bouncing it up and down waiting for the doctor to come into his office. 

Finally, the door opened and the doctor came in with a serious look on his face. This did not look good. The expectant and hopeful smile I'd had on my face fell. The doctor sat down behind his desk and cleared his throat.

"So, I've gone over the images and the radiologist's report. There seems to be a small mass in the frontal lobe. This mass is pretty deep but not unreachable. I'd like to schedule a biopsy for next week."

"Wait, next week?" I asked.

"Yes. Based on its size, and the fact that it didn't seem present in other images, I'd like to see if we can't get at it and make sure it isn't a malignancy."

"Malignancy?" Jaime said. "Like, cancer?"

The doctor looked at Jaime. His features softened when he seemed to realize his patient was actually still a child.

"That's what we'd like to rule out. But since we didn't see this on any of your previous scans, I think it's imperative we get samples to see what we're dealing with."

Jaime's mouth opened and closed. He frowned.

"Okay," I said. "Okay. Let's do it. Schedule the surgery."

Jaime looked at me, but didn't say anything.

The doctor gave us instructions and directions for admission and sent us on our way. Jaime didn't say a word.

We got into the car and still, Jaime hadn't said a word.

"Jaime?" I asked. He didn't answer.

"Jaime," I said. "Please. Talk to me. What are you thinking?"

He glared at me. I was taken aback. I'd expected fear or sadness but I saw rage in his eyes.

"You didn't even ask me if I want the surgery," he fumed.

"Jaime, if you don't have the biopsy, and it is cancer, it'll kill you."

"So what?" He said, crossed his arms and looked out the window. He was done discussing it with me, for now.

I drive us home in silence. I offered to stop at Starbucks. No answer. I suggested lunch at In N' Out, no answer. So I just drove home.

Jaime got out of the car as soon as I pulled up to the house. He was inside and upstairs, slamming his door, before I managed to make it into the house. Meagan came out of the living room.

"I take it the appointment did not go well?"

"There's a mass in his brain. The doctor wants to do a biopsy on Monday."

"Monday? Pete that's three days from now," Meagan said.

"I know," I said.

"Is it... is it... you know?" She asked.

"That's what he wants to rule out," I said. "But..."

I sank to the floor and covered my face with my hands and wept. What if Jaime has cancer? What if we didn't catch it quickly enough? What if I was going to lose my son?

Meagan knelt down on the floor and held me. She just let me weep and held onto me as I did.

"I'm sorry, Pete," Meagan whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Daddy? Why you sad?" Marvel said, coming up to us and putting her little hand on my back. I sat up, and pulled her into a hug.

"Jaime has a boo boo in his head. He's going to have to go back to the hospital and have an operation to take the boo boo out and make sure he isn't going to get sicker."

"Why?" Marvel asked.

"I don't know, sweetheart," I said, fresh tears coming.

"Daddy, no be sad. Jaime strong. He be okay."

I held my baby girl tight. I wish I had her optimism.

After a while, I stopped crying and pulled myself up off the floor, picking up my daughter. We went into the living room and sat on the couch. I was sad. I was scared. And I didn't know how to talk to Jaime about it. But I knew I had to. Because he had to be scared, too. Tanya's cancer had been brain cancer.