Make me yours

Chapter 25

Heyy guys, it's been over a month and I am not sure when I am updating again but I will try to be quick. My live just has been, let's say, busy.
I love you and I am so proud of you. Hope you enjoy the chapter. :))

Some years ago 

Milena Adams 

The roof feels uncomfortable under me but, at the same time, feels like the best I have been in a long time. It is weird to phrase something you don't like as the best thing you have had in a long time but if you only knew you would understand. 

Yes, the roof is indeed uncomfortable but the beautiful night sky around me is calming. All the stars shining in the dark sky. It feels profound. The stars shine when they have no reason to do so, when around there's only darkness. Poor stars. No not poor stars. I envy those stars. I hate those stars. Because I am tired of trying to shine through the fucking darkness. I can't keep shining.

"You're really doing this?" He askes. His British accent becomes more subtle each day when he speaks Italian. I was the one teaching him that language, my mother language. But it feels distant now, so far from the nights in his living room saying cursed words in Italian and laughing together with a cup of red wine on our hands. We were so young at that time so happy only to become adults with their lives already ruined no matter what we do. 

"Doing what?" I ask even if I know damn well what he is talking about. After so many years of wishing I could talk to him and being forbidden by my own mother this feels a little like heaven. Feels like the good old days, snicking out to meet him at the most randomly romantic places. There are differences now: we both have kids, one with each other and one with other people; we both have more maturity, and we both lost that shine of youth in our eyes even if we are both still pretty young. 

"Abandoning the society." I can feel his voice getting tenser like he is trying to control the uncontrollable anger that exists inside of him. Maybe because of that, I don't look at him keeping my eyes on the stars above my head. Those fucking stars.  

"You mean getting free from this life of slaughter?" I ask spit on my voice, it feels natural since I use it as a defense mechanism but he knows me too well and his eyes change within itself realizing that I am building walls, I am becoming defensive. So he becomes violent. 

That's why we work and, at the same time, why we are destined to fail. We cancel each other, when I am fire he becomes water, when I am flying he becomes too heavy, when I am mad he becomes calm, and when I am decided to leave he becomes my number one reason to stay. It's simply damned. 

"We'll never get free. I know that you know that."  His voice is not soft, not like it used to be. I remember him saying that a couple of years ago when I was crying because I simply couldn't live like that, at that time I was not more than a simple teenager, his words were enough to take away any hopes of freedom but now it's different. Different because now there isn't anything that could make me stay in the society. 

"At least I am no longer going to feel guilty about the blood on the water." I say back at him letting the word guilty stain my pure voice. That's what hurts the most. Guilt. Mum says it's because of how weak I am, maybe that's true. There is nothing worse than guilt. Nothing. And nothing I wouldn't do to run from it. Nothing. 

"The price of your greed is our son and your daughter. What's you gonna do when it's their blood on the water?" It almost seems poetic, like every fucking thing he says. He is around my age but all that he says sounds so wise. Like he was more living than I could ever achieve. 

"I'm not going to take parental advice from someone like you. Don't act like your son is fine, he isn't happy and you're the reason his mum's miserable." We never talk about this. Never talk about his other son and his other woman. The woman he was forced to marry, the woman who he tried so hard to be good to, the woman that gives him panic attacks. That's the reason we don't talk about her. His panic attacks.