Make me yours

Chapter 26

"That all the world shall--I will do such things,--

What they are, yet I know not: but they shall be

The terrors of the earth. You think I'll weep

No, I'll not weep:

I have full cause of weeping; but this heart

Shall break into a hundred thousand flaws,

Or ere I'll weep."

King Lear, William Shakespeare

The air is hot inside the car as well as the ambiance. However, for the first time, it isn't hot because of how attractive Mattheo looks on this back suit with an open black shirt, or how I look on this red tight dress, not even because of all these meaningful looks Mattheo has been giving me ever since we enter this big black limousine. 

We didn't stay long after our, let's call it, moment in his room. Joseph's loud voice echoed on that big house making us almost jump and run downstairs. As soon as I arrived at the bottom of the stairs the make-up and hair team I had told to get out just some minutes ago started to touch me again, fixing all the things I seemed to do wrong. There were more hands-on me than I could count, straightening the back of my dress and fixing my hair just one more time, they touched me with a courtesy provoked by fear. 

I could smell the fear they had over me. Like I am some kind of mean powerful God who wouldn't hesitate to end their existence in the most painful way that I could find just for my own amusement. But I can't lie and say that I didn't fear them as well, because fear is still hate and hate is strong and powerful. Maybe that's because during all the time, all the long minutes there was plenty of hands-on my body, my eyes never left Mattheo's, and his never left mine. 

Then, when their touching was over, it was his arm that intertwine with mine and that walked me to the black limousine. It was him who waited with me when Joseph open the car door and it was him who entered after me on the car and, closing the car door, ended all the looks I was receiving. 

That's why the air is hot because I am fucking anxious. But worse of all, the air is hot because I just understood that Mattheo is not just an attractive friend he is the antidote to all this. He is what I need and honestly what I want right now. But at the same fucking time, he is all I can't have. So no, it's not the way he looks at me that makes this ambiance so fucking intense, is the importance that looks has acquired to me. 

"What are you thinking about?" He says after a while. His eyes are still on mine with that look that makes me feel like I am the most important person ever. 

"I'm nervous." I admit preferring that honesty to the other one. The one where I would beg him not to leave my side because I need him that much, the honesty where I have to speak the feelings that I know he doesn't want me to tell him. "And I am not sure if that's what I wanna do with my life." 

"What do you wanna do with your life?" He askes me turning his whole body in my direction and giving me a curious smile. I want you to touch me now. I wanna feel you and not even just sexually. But I can't say that, can I? 

"I don't know. I mean, I am still a teenager, I wanna go to parties, get crazy, drunk, life adventurous," Silence. My eyes slide to his lips for not more than a second and then to his eyes again. Suddenly, the car is way hotter and my body stops answering my brain. "I want to meet boys. Not actually The Right One because well because that doesn't exist." Because mine is dead. "But I wanna meet all the wrong ones. I wanna-" A lot of things cross my mind, like traveling, but that's what I once told James and I am not brave enough to repeat it.