Make me yours

Chapter 20

Heyy, 

Sorry for taking so long but as some of you may know (the ones who follow me) I am rewriting the early chapters since I am not happy with how they turned out in terms of writing. I have improved since then and I am improving the chapters as well. I will be grateful if you read them, but it's not necessary. You'll just have more details if you do. 

You will understand why I have a picture of an Italian city here, don't worry. 

Stay safe <3 

Her eyes are closed, her breath is calm and quiet as if nothing bad ever happened. As if she didn't find out that the man ruining her life is her best friend's dad. These huge lies don't even seem to bother the beautiful girl who sleeps calmly on my bed, Margot.

We all knew we had to get out of that house before someone saw us there and I couldn't let Margot alone so we took her to where her shaking lips and weak voice begged for: home. More specifically my house. 

Margot is in my bed sleeping. It is her way to avoid suffering: sleeping. I wish I could do it, haven't slept right in a long time, my head is drowning in thoughts especially what I have just accept doing. 

No. Focus on Margot. 

I have been here looking at her for half an hour, I think. Never understood time, such a subjective thing. I never know how much of it has passed, and now with all this stress of making this scary decision I just did is making counting time even difficult. I just know it has been a lot of time since Joseph left us in my house and just a little less time since Mattheo went outside to make some calls so he could do what I told him was my condition to enter the society. 

Reading my grandmother's letter. 

Just when I am about to give it all up and make a stupid decision Mattheo enters my room his face is decided even if I can see a kind look in his eyes. He doesn't even close the door before talking, making all my body shiver in fear. "We're going to Italy." That's what I asked for, exactly what I needed now. Seems weird since my parents are here in London still, but I wanna be just a little closer to the woman who made me be in this position- my grandmother. 

I look at Margot once again. It is really messed up how our lives are so bad in such different ways. I am about to go on a plane to read a letter about a future that my family made me take and she is lying on the bed trying to forget how bad her own action made her feel. Not that is her fault, it isn't. However somehow, the darkest part of me envies her free will, her possibility of making choices and actions that only herself can be held responsible for. But again, it didn't bring her any good, did it? 

I already told my brother that Margot was having a rough day so she was staying at my house. He strangely already knew that Margot's way of coping is sleeping but I still made him promise that when she wakes up he would treat her right and would tell her I had an emergency so I really had to leave. I emphasized the "I love you" statement to my brother just in case something happens and left in Joseph's car to London, with my passport hidden in my wallet and all the money I could find with Mattheo on my side. 

I dare to close my eyes during the trip to the airport trying not to use the overwhelming silence in the air to allow my thoughts to get too loud. I want to sleep so bad, to just turn all this anxious feeling off. I want to feel nothing again even after what I suffered when I did that after James's death. I never handled feeling good enough, I am good at running tho, at pretending it doesn't affect me, at crying alone at night, at shutting down emotions, at pretending. I am really good at pretending. 

So that's what I do, I pretend to be asleep in the car so no one talks to me, so no one gives me more things to worry, to think about. More things to kill me inside, to hurt me so bad that I wanna stop existing. To make me hate my grandmother, a thing I never thought I was capable of.