Make me yours

chapter 27

Seated on the black land rover I can barely feel it moving, but by the movement of the trees outside the window, I know Joseph is driving as fast as it is possible. I can also see the other cars, sportive black cars, all around us driving to the same place. Home. My home. 

Mattheo is seated next to me his fingers tapping his leg while his mind is clearly not here. I know what he is thinking about. He is trying to make some sense out of all this, he is trying to figure something out, something it will help us. I know it because I am doing it too. 

I wonder if he is worried about Joshua as well. In terms of blood, Joshua is as related to me as he is to him. Half-brother. But he never felt Joshua's love. He was never been hugged so hard because his parents were screaming and young Joshua wanted to protect him. He has never seen Joshua's open room door as the salvation of all. He has never woken up to Joshua's lovely notes after a night of screams from our parents.  

Do you think it's the blood that brings the love? Or are the memories you share? 

Either way, I love Joshua. I love him more than I could ever love any other person. He is my only family. Mom doomed me to disgrace and father didn't even look back. Joshua hugged me the morning before I-. Before I officially joined the Mafia. Jeez, this doesn't get easier to think.

And now Joshua might be dead, or worse. There were 6 bodies there laying lifelessly looking at the sky, not a single sound, not a single breath. They were 6 dead bodies of Joshua's group of friends and yet no sign of him. If they, whoever they are, didn't kill Joshua there must be a reason.

My worried brain can come up with one reason: they don't want to kill Joshua. They want to do worse. It's easy to think, they did this to reach me. They placed the bodies there so I could see them, even the fucking sentence on Oliver's belly. I haven't figured out the rest of their meanings but the trying to forget me? thing just doesn't leave my mind. It's just so hard to think about something else when I literally fucked Oliver to forget James. James. Dead James. 

Someone is trying to scare me. And it is working. 

Unless. Unless scaring me is not what they want to do, maybe they want to hurt me and that's why they will do worse things than death to Joshua. Who knows what is happening to him right now. He can be tortured for information at this exact moment. 

My phone, on my lap, is calling my brother for the 100th. It's terrible, the regular noise coming from it. Calling, calling and always arriving at the answering machine. I always turn it off by then too weak to hear his voice unless it is in real-time. 

"Livian." I hear Mattheo whisper next to me. I look at him. I can feel him scanning me, looking at my red eyes and my even redder nail marks on the palm of my hands. He looks worried, his hand reaching for mine. Except I push mine back and we don't touch. His eyes don't move, he doesn't even blink, there is no hurt in his eyes only understanding and worry. A terrible amount of worry. "We are here." 

 As soon as Joseph stops, and not even waiting until he turns off the engine I leave the car opening the door and jumping out. I can feel Mattheo and a group of other people trying to follow me but I am not even worried about them not arriving in as soon as I do. I run to the front door of my brother's house opening the door as quick as I can. 

There is no one there, the silence is almost too loud. My feet are quick walking around the kitchen and then the living room. My red high heels echo breaking the silence in the room. I can feel the panic tears building on me seeing how everything is perfectly in its place like someone doesn't live here for a couple of days. 

"Joshua" I call loud enough to break that silence for a couple of minutes. Only to be answered by even more silence. My feet run entering and exiting every room on the first floor of my brother's house. He has to be here, he has to be. I couldn't live with myself if he isn't.