Make me yours

Chapter 15

"You are an asshole," I say smiling. He smiles as well.

The alcohol on my veins makes me somehow happier than I have ever been. There are bottles of Vodka, Tequila, and some other things I can't name on the floor. I have been drinking for some time now all these sweet drinks that make my chest lighter.

"But you are still here with me." He smirks deeply. I look at him as I think about that, he has a point.

"I have always liked assholes." It is not a lie, my taste in men is simply the worse. Except of course for James, who was good, but still broke me the most. I chose not to think about him, that was why I started drinking in the first place. I can't think about him anymore, it is destroying me. Slowly breaking my little heart and taking away all my happiness.

The autopsy is on Mattheo's desk and we are on the floor drinking too much alcohol.

It all started when I read James' condition, he had some personality disorder. That means I never knew the true James, just some James that only happened when he was with me. I fell for an illusion.

"That wasn't me. I am not the person you love."

"I am going to look you straight on those light caramel eyes and I am going to say that it was all fake. You fell for someone who isn't real, Livian Adams."

His voice echo in my head for an unhealthy amount of time.

Those are things he told me when he was with his sister. Those are things his true personality said to me. Did that mean that his true self meant it? Did the true James think those things about me?

"You mean nothing to me. Your brother was right, I used you to fuck."

He told me this, the true James. It burns so painfully on my heart, it was all a fucking lie.

I can't take this anymore. His letter. He knew eventually I would see his personality, he knew that it would hurt me.

"I wrote this letter before seeing you so it is normal that I will never specify what I said, I just know I hurt you." This is a quote from his letter. He fucking knew that it would be something he eventually would do, something that would hurt me. He knew it was a matter of time before his true self came up and told me what he thought.

"I love him. Probably not the same personality you loved, but I love my brother, the real James." Erica once told me that, I was just confused at the time. However, now it all makes sense. The real James was not the one I knew and loved.

I am rescued from my own head by Mattheo's drunk voice. When drunk his English accent gets stronger and hotter. Well, probably not hotter, that is just the alcohol on me.

"He really created a whole personality to be with you?" He askes drinking directly from the bottle. His eyes are on the outside's dark sky and stay there for a few minutes before looking at me.

"I don't believe it was for me. I believe it was to my brother." It makes sense, he was already good to my brother, before being with me. So it was all for Joshua, not me. I am not even allowed to take comfort in the fact that it was for me, because it wasn't.

"Why do you believe that?"

I am too drunk to think but I force myself to. I have to make some sense to this, all of it. And maybe then I will rest from all of this madness.

"My brother told me that before they meet James seemed a horrible boy. A snob, with some strange pleasure in seeing people hurt. But then my brother did something to James's ex and they become close friends. And suddenly my brother said that James was the best person ever. He told me this before I even met him, as people are not what they seem to be type of lesson."