golden fears

9 - i cant do this anymore

Josephines pov —

i am so confused on everything in my life right now. Hero Fiennes tiffin is a major fuck boy and i'm letting him play with me. Is he playing with me? We already hooked up the first night i came after not seeing each other for three years. three years. He told me there having a party tonight, i hope that doesn't consist of the girl's he plays around with. Maybe i just need to talk to him about it or even ask Morgz, hero tells him everything even though he's always saying how much he hates them. I know he loves those guys more than anything he just won't admit it.

I cant just pretend nothing happened and go back to being his side piece. don't get me wrong he's always been so sweet to me, more sweet to me than he is to his own mom. what even are we? what does he think we are? or what does he want us to be? everyday insist of me thinking of him, his minty sent, the way he always licks his lips, or rubs his eyebrows when he's nervous. i smile at the thought.

i finally let my thoughts go as i step out of the car, i look up and see party lights in the window of his apartment. great. i didn't think it was for another few hours and here i am walking in with a damn sports bra on and yoga pants tighter than shit. i war them on purpose for hero to see, not for a bunch of horny dudes and slutty girls. not that hero even really noticed anyways. i will be honest i'm so excited to talk to hero and of course i'm nervous as shit.

when i walk in i don't see hero anywhere. i try to cover my body as i run to my bedroom. i go into the bathroom and change into my clothes i hanged on the door.

"fuck hero" what the fuck.

"be quiet." i hear him say.

is he fucking another girl right now?? stop it. no. your just imagining things, your just paranoid i tell myself. i open hero's door and all i see is hero pounding into some chick. my heart drops, he seems to notice my appearance because when i look up he's running towards me.

what the fuck is happening. i mean i have no right to be mad it's not like we're even dating, he's allowed to sleep with any girl he wants.

i don't want him to see me. i run out of the apartment and into my car. he must have seen me, all i see is him rushing out with only shorts and sandals on, almost slipping on the snow. fuck this car wont start. he opens my car door.

"jo it wasn't what it looks like, i thought you were still at work." he says looking worried.

"it's exactly what it looks like. i got home early, went to go talk to you, and saw you banging some chick. it's fine your a grown adult i have no right to be mad, but you might wanna get back up there before your whore leaves." i say with a smile. before he gets a word out of his mouth i pull out of the parking lot.

what was i thinking. i went to go talk to him to ask him about our relationship and all i see is him banging into some ugly whore. he's just like he was three years ago. a self centered low life who doesn't care about anyone but himself. for now on i can't use that bathroom, i rather go all the way downstairs into the basement every morning than share a bathroom with him. i don't even know why i'm overreacting i have no right to be mad it's not like we are dating. we hooked up once that's it, and it's only ever gonna be once. my obnoxious phone rings, i grab it out of my purse and of course it's hero.

— sorry guys this chapters super short, the next one will be long <33