My Last Hope

6

Warnings:
-Usage drugs and alcohol
-Mentions suicide attempt
-Mentions murder/death threats

Clay's POV

George left right before I went to sleep because his parents asked him to come to the hospital. I wished him a lot of good luck and laid down on my bed in silence. I was really hungover and really craved marijuana and cocaine a lot again. My dealer also gave me heroin, but I was so sick at the moment that I was going to try that tomorrow.

I sighed softly and closed my eyes because of the extreme headache. Suddenly I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and I got startled so badly that I hid under my sheets. I didn't know my dad was home again, but I was supposed to be asleep at this point. He wasn't allowed to know I was hungover too.

I closed my eyes and turned off my lights as I curled myself up. It took a few minutes before he opened my door and it was quiet. I didn't move so he thought I was asleep and it appeared to work. He closed the door again and I waited until he went downstairs.

As soon as he left I stood up to grab my bear and held it tightly as I put my thumb in my mouth to suck on it. I was sure I was alone now and since I felt sad and anxious, I like to suck my thumb to calm down.

I held my thumb in my mouth and my bear against my chest until I fell asleep.

I woke up in the exact same position as I fell asleep in. I still had my thumb in my mouth and my bear in between my legs and chest.

I sighed softly and stood up, putting my bear down on my chair with a smile. I was really happy that I still had him. I looked at my bear and felt sad as I had to let him go. It almost caused me to cry and I pouted.

I felt really anxious again so I grabbed the box under my bed. I grabbed the bag and put it in my school bag, walking downstairs slowly.

My dad was sitting at the table and looked up at me. I smiled shortly and he pointed at a chair.

'Sit down for breakfast.'

'I'm not really hungry,' I whispered. 'I'm going to school early today.'

I was a bad liar so I started playing with my hoodie's strings. My dad rolled his eyes at me but didn't say anything.

I quickly walked off and started walking away from the house. When I was sure I was far enough, I grabbed a few cigarettes with marijuana and lit the first one to smoke it. I sat down on a bench a bit before the school and smoked a few cigarettes with marijuana, grabbing alcohol after that.

I wasn't going too far this time. I really wanted to get drunk, but I had to go to school. No one was allowed to know I drank and used drugs. I drank a quarter of a bottle. Since I drank a lot, I didn't get drunk from that amount anymore.

I put it away and slowly stood up after I smoked three cigarettes with marijuana. I was getting pretty high, but I was able to act normal since I had done that a lot before.

I walked to school and sighed softly as I really craved cocaine. I knew I wouldn't be able to act normal when I used that and I didn't know how I acted when I used heroin. I would try it after school.

I lied to my dad that I had school until five pm even though I had class until two. I was going to an uncrowded place to try out the heroin and if I liked it, I was going to text my drug dealer if I could also try the combination drug. I was down to steal for him so I could get it.

I sighed softly and entered the school, looking around me to see George sit down. I had to hide that I was high so I just sat down as I smiled shortly.

'How is your sibling?'

He sighed and looked at his hands. 'They are still in a coma. I didn't want to go to school, but I think it's better to look for distraction.'

I nodded slowly. 'Let me know as soon as they know more.'

George nodded slowly and looked at me shortly. I felt uncomfortable and scared that he knew I was high, but he just smiled and sat back.

I stared at him from the corner of my eyes to see if he actually didn't suspect anything, but he already looked away as my thoughts trailed off to the misery I was going through.

I was traumatised, I was high and addicted to drugs and alcohol and then I was the exact same boy while sucking my thumb and holding my bear.

I felt myself getting really anxious as I saw my trauma reply itself in front of me. I started moving uncomfortable, but soon got so scared that I held my hands on my ears as I screamed.

George grabbed my shoulders and shook me back to reality. 'Are you alright?'

I looked at him in shock and felt a tear drop down my face. I was so anxious that I wished to be doing drugs or suck my thumb with my bear in my arms.

I stood up and ran to the bathroom, locking myself in a stall as I put my thumb in my mouth while rocking softly. I was so afraid that George would hate me if he found out I still sucked my thumb. I was scared he would hate me or find me stupid and childish.

I still kept sucking my thumb while I cried softly because the memories didn't stop anymore. After school I was going to use heroin in the hope the memories would stop.

Unfortunately they never stopped, I was always scared. What if I accidentally told anyone anything? I would get killed if I did, I was always in danger.

But on the other hand, it started hurting more and more to lie and hide such a traumatic thing. I knew things no one else knew and it hurt me so much that I didn't know if I would survive this without stronger drugs.

1075 words

Summary:
He used drugs.