My Last Hope

11

Warnings:
-Mentions suicide attempt
-Mentions alcohol

George's POV

My whole life seemed to be collapsing later that day. It was already bad this morning, but I started stressing more and more which caused me to have negative feelings I had never experienced before.

A few weeks ago I had the most amazing life. I had no problems, I was always happy and I genuinely loved my life, just like I loved my family and friends. But now everything suddenly went wrong without any reason. My sibling still didn't wake up and the chance of them waking up got lower with the day.

Next to that, Clay hadn't been at school for three days now and I was really worried about him as well. He barely responded to my texts, but told me that he would be back soon. He appeared to be sick. I knew he was lying since I had seen his bruises, his extremely pale face and the times he randomly threw up.

I was so upset and I missed him so much that I stood up from my bed to go downstairs. I didn't want to be alone right now since I didn't know how to cope with the pain I was feeling inside. I needed someone to talk me through this since I was ready to hurt myself at this point.

I went into the living room and sighed softly. My dad was sitting down on the couch and looked up slowly, smiling at me. He noticed I was sad and tapped the couch. 'What's wrong, honey?'

I sat down next to him and went quiet for a little bit, just looking in front of me for a while. I didn't know how to start and my dad just ran his hand through my hair as he waited for me to begin to talk.

'Dad, I'm so sad that I feel anger. I feel so angry with everything and I don't know how to stop it. I miss Clay and Robin so much and it hurts me,' I summed up, leaning in to get a hug.

'Clay?'

'He hasn't been at school for three days and he barely replies to my texts,' I said with a soft sob. 'I know he's lying to me and that he's not okay.'

My dad smiled shortly and pulled me closer. 'But George, it has only been three days. He will come back, honey. Maybe he's just sick or needs a short break.'

'Something is not okay, dad. I don't want to make the same mistakes twice. What if he attempts suicide too? I will never forgive myself for being such a dick that I caused two suicides.'

'Sweetie, it's not your fault at all. Robin attempted suicide because of the bullying at school, no one could have stopped that. Clay is probably at home, resting for a little. If he's actually not okay and doesn't want to tell you about it, you can't do more than you're doing now.'

I stared in front of me and suddenly felt myself get incredibly mad and sad at the same time. I knew he was right but everything felt unfair and like a plot against me which was obviously stupid.

'Dad,' I started, but I bursted out into tears. 'I don't know how to cope with sadness or madness. I feel like shit, I found Robin and had to perform CPR. No one even asks me how I am, I'm just so angry. It feels like everyone is teaming up against me to make me feel like shit since I used to be a spoiled dick.'

My dad wrapped his arm around my shoulder and grabbed a pillow. 'Hit it,' he said. 'It will help, I promise you. Just let your anger out.'

I looked at the pillow and hit it really hard as I screamed. I curled myself up after that and cried loudly as I heard the door open. I didn't look up as I sobbed in my dad's arms and then heard footsteps nearing me.

I glanced up and saw my oldest sister with my youngest sister. My youngest sister ran to me and grabbed my hand with big and upset eyes.

'George, sad?'

'He's a little bit sad now, maybe he would like a hug,' my dad answered with a smile.

I nodded slowly to confirm that and my sister crawled up the couch, wrapping her arms around my waist. I lifted her up my lap and smiled shortly. 'How was school?' I asked her.

She smiled brightly and started moving out of excitement. 'I was allowed to write today,' she said with a smile. 'I wrote my name and my surname. It took me a few tries but I did it!'

'I'm so proud of you,' I said as I kissed her cheek. 'You're doing really well in school. I think you're going to do amazing next year too!'

She rested her ear against my chest. 'I love you, George. Don't be sad, we can play a game! Do you want to play hide and seek with me? We played hide and seek a lot with Robin.'

'Sure,' I replied. She looked up at my dad and older sister with a happy smile.

'And you?'

'We will come too,' my dad replied after gently ruffling her hair up as a joke and my sister agreed.

She got happy and ran to the wall. 'I will count! You have to hide quick because I can count very fast!'

I smiled, it made me happy to see her this excited. She was always sweet and really cute, I loved her a lot. I was happy that she didn't understand what was going on with Robin. I wanted to keep it that way for now too since she was too young to understand the pain everyone was going through at this moment.

We played hide and seek for an hour. We all had a lot of fun and even I smiled and laughed a lot. My youngest sister got tired after a while and my dad decided to cook. We had dinner after that and I was really happy to be distracted. Although, I knew all the tears would come tonight again.

1036 words