Nightingale

fifty-two

Harry's POV

I had never been one to dream, nothing like those vivid and wild dreams you have when you sleep. When I did dream, my dreams must have been so boring and bland to the point that my mind didn't care to memorize it's details and contents. I had never been one to dream, that was until I met Parker.

I swear she was in my dreams every night and I always remembered them because how could one forget someone as vivid, wild and bright as her. They were never obscene dreams, my poisoned mind never tainted her image. It was like my dreams of her were in slow motion, my conscious wanting to stay in the presence of her for as long as possible, taking in every detail of her face, every blemish or small freckle that wouldn't be noticeable unless you stared at her for an insane amount of time, but that's what I did in my dreams, I just observed her.

They say dreams exist as a way for your brain to recall everything that happened in your day or as a way for your conscious and subconscious mind to communicate but, did my conscious and subconscious really need to communicate about her when she was on my mind all the time for no reason at all? It wasn't like I wasn't aware that I kept thinking about her. That's why I went to her apartment that day. If we want to get technical, I broke in but her door was unlocked. I just couldn't stop thinking about her and I wanted to know why. I had never experienced something like that before, it's like when you can't get a song out of your head but it's always that one specific part or the melody, or when you're laying in bed and something you did years ago pops into your head and then you are constantly thinking about it, driving yourself mad over it. It was annoying. Thinking about her was annoying.

Until, suddenly it wasn't so bad. Although things between us started off mainly sexually that wasn't my intention, though my intentions before weren't much better. Like when she kissed me after everything with Eric happened in her room. I told her she deserved someone better than him and without hesitation she kissed me and that scared the fuck out of me, then I left. I stood outside her apartment door for a good 30 minutes trying to figure out why she did it. Why me telling her she deserves someone better drove her mind to think I was that person when I am for sure anything but that. I still doubt whether or not I'm actually what's best for her constantly. I listened to her curse herself out and stomp her way towards her front door. I thought she was going to come out, maybe try to stop me from leaving, jumble out some apology and hopefully an explanation but instead, she locked her front door.

Part of me wanted to knock on the door until she opened it and demand her for a reason but she had already said she didn't know why she did it. Just like I don't know why I left. In the grand scheme of things, if I hadn't left then I wouldn't have had a reason to try and come up with an excuse to go there again later in the day. I never went into Dale's store, I said I did just to make it seem like I was in the neighborhood, to be cool about the whole reason I was actually there. I just wanted a reason as to why she kissed me. I never got one but I did get to kiss her again and again it scared the shit out of me because it was different. It felt different than any other time I had kissed someone.

I guess when her being a constant thought shifted from being annoying to actually being quite nice was when we talked about fine lines. It was the first time I really got a glimpse of just how brilliant her mind truly is. That's when I knew I had already crossed a line. So early on I knew that what I planned to do to her was more fucked up than it had been but my mind hadn't changed yet, it was already made up but that didn't mean I couldn't get to know her. I took her out just to hangout with her and that only made things worse for me, I felt guilty. Then she didn't talk to me for a week. I thought I did something wrong or that Eric had dug his claws back into her and made her never talk to me again so, I went to her apartment to figure everything out, to find out what was going on and why she wasn't responding to my texts, I met callie for the second time and she was freaking out saying that Parker wasn't home after they went out dancing, left her alone at the club. So I called her again, again and again until finally she called me back, she wasn't visiting an old friend I then found out.