Nightingale

fifty-eight

December 23nd, 2020

Dear Nightingale,

From the moment our paths crossed, you've surprised me, distracted me, captivated me and challenged me in a way no human being ever has. I've fallen in love with you again and again, countless times, without reservation and to this day I can't believe I get to marry you.

I always thought it would be difficult to find someone who will love me when I'm always scattered in a thousand pieces. It's like trying to complete a puzzle when you don't even have the right pieces, but then you showed me that every piece doesn't have to be in the right place to create something beautiful. That love can exist in the most imperfect, lost and broken people.

I can't promise you that dark clouds will never hover over our lives or that the future will bring us many rainbows. I can't promise you that tomorrow will be perfect or that life will be easy. I can though promise you my everlasting devotion, my loyalty, my respect, and my unconditional love for a lifetime.

I can promise that I'll always be there for you, to listen and to hold your hand, and I'll always do my best to make you happy, to make you feel love. I can promise that I'll see you through any crisis, dream with you, build with you, and always cheer you on. I can promise to be true to you, to uplift you, to encourage you and support you. I can promise that I'll willingly be your protector, your advisor, your counselor, your friend, your family, your everything. I can promise to frustrate you, to challenge you and maybe if you're lucky, let you win an argument.

In the unlikely event that I don't get the privilege of growing old with you, if we don't get that chance. If the universe conspires against us and oceans stand in our way. If the fates betray us and our story fades. I will settle for one minute, a few moments, a fleeting second, just to know what it was like to be loved by you. At last, I've found a love that all of the poets write about.

My lonely days are over,
The Sun

The boys are coming home today, Harry is coming home today. I've been bouncing up and down with anticipation since he texted me early this morning around 3 that they finished everything they needed to get done and were getting on a plane. I couldn't sleep last night, I've been really restless for the past 2 days. I ended up staying up late last night wrapping everyone's gifts. Yesterday when I couldn't sleep I ended up driving to the new house and decorated the house for Christmas with all the decorations I bought a couple days prior.

After I had finished wrapping gifts last night I ended up driving to the new house again, stashing all of the gifts under the tree then laid down outside on the beach, listening to the waves crash against the shore while staring up at the night sky. I would've given anything to have Harry laying there with me, stargazing with me as he played with my hair or drew circles with his fingers along my skin. Honestly just any form of physical touch from him would've been amazing, it would've made the atmosphere a thousand times better. His presence alone is what I crave the most. To hear his voice in person instead of over the phone, to have him taking over all of my senses, to have his soft pink lips against my own. God to sleep in the same bed as him again.

He's all I've been thinking about, all I can ever think about. Harry is ingrained into my brain, has been since we first met and always will be. Sitting inside the house that is ours, alone, I finally started to realize how real everything is becoming. In only the best way possible. Everything has come into fruition. All my dreams are finally a reality, no longer just figments of my imagination. Sometimes I wish I could show my younger self what our life has become, not that it's all sunshine and rainbows but the rain and clouds are finally starting to break away, allowing some sunlight to shine through. I think letting her know that we are a part of a loving family, have a place to call our home, sober for 5 months and counting, and doing better than ever. I think it would've given younger me some hope, something to look forward to.