Nightingale

eleven

You guys said you wanted a longer chapter so here it is 4500 words to be exact.. my hand hurt.

March 19th , 2020

Addiction

The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

Having an addictive personality has never been good for me. I find something I like and I cling to it. What people tend to think is odd is when I say you can be addicted to more than just drugs. I mean how do you think the show my strange addiction came to be about. People can be addicted to everything and anything.

My strange addiction is things that make me feel good. It's really my toxic trait that I try to avoid but ends up biting me in the ass later on. Coke and oxy used to be the only thing that made me feel good, but now my new muse is a person. A person who I met just 9 days ago.

I smoke more than a chimney now because the taste of the tobacco reminds me of the taste of him. A nicotine addiction should probably not be something I add to my long list of problems but every puff I inhale ignites my skin. I'm reminded of his mouth on me. On my lips. On my neck.

Call me crazy but I could really care less, I've been called worse. I'm just filling the void in my brain where he now resides. Patiently waiting for my next hit. Waiting for him to be the one to ignite my skin instead of a toxin filled stick. I knew he would come with consequences but I will willingly take all of the repercussions if it means I could have another taste of him.

I close my notebook and check the time. It's about 4:05 in the morning and I have enough time to take a quick shower before the meeting. I push my desk chair back enough so I can stand up and grab some clothes. I walk into the bathroom and dont bother looking at myself. I haven't slept in 2 days. Mania is a real bitch sometimes. I turn the shower on before walking out back into my room and quickly checking my phone. No notifications, what a surprise. Maybe I'm just in an alternate universe where my phone doesn't work, that has to be it.

I throw my phone back on my bed and go back to the bathroom. Strip off my clothes and step into the shower. The water is a little too hot but I don't bother turning it down. The burn from the water is a friendly pain that I need at the moment. I really just want to sit down and stay in here forever but that's not really an option at the moment. After a quick PTA shower and just adding some conditioner on my ends I turn off the shower.

I towel dry my hair as much as possible before blow drying it. I decided to straighten it today even though I would much rather have my natural waves but I don't feel like battling with my hair. Actually I just don't have the time.

I throw on a simple red plaid mini skirt and a white long sleeved button up shirt. I grab my black docs and throw on some basic makeup. I normally wouldn't get this dressed up for a meeting but afterwards I have a meeting with my publishing company. They want to know when my next book is coming out. Well I would like to know too because I have no idea.

I walk towards the front door and take my purse off the hook and look at the mirror in the entryway quickly to make sure I look somewhat decent. I grab my keys out of the bird dish and double check I have everything before I leave.

Once I'm in my car I take a deep breath, I feel so on edge and really want to just go and do something drastic like jump out of a plane or get a tattoo. Maybe I will get a tattoo I don't have any yet but that's so permanent, what if I end up regretting it. Before pulling out of the parking lot I reach into my purse and grab my pack of cigarettes and my lighter. I ignite the cancerous stick and inhale the thick smoke. This is going to be a hard habit to break. I just know it. Once I exhale I begin to head to only place I would be at when it's this fucking early.