Nightingale

sixty-three

January 30th, 2021

Harry and I are getting married tomorrow. It's strange to even think about marriage. I've said it countless times before but I truly thought this was something I would never experience, that I was destined for a life alone, full of pain and suffering. Now what seems like a long lost dream, wishful thinking, and hopeless desires is becoming a reality.

Putting together a wedding in a matter of weeks is truly a skill and I'm glad I'm only getting married once because I would rather drown myself than plan a wedding again. Callie was both pissed off and excited when we told her the morning after we had decided we weren't going to wait any longer. Pissed of course because she didn't want to be pregnant in my wedding but when I told her it's just a couple people she calmed down a bit before sobbing her eyes out because "her best friend is getting married" and squeezing me as tight as she can being 6 months pregnant.

We decided we are going to do it on the beach in our backyard, Niall is going to officiate it, he literally went online and found something where you can immediately be a wedding officiant so that's what we did instead of a priest. Louis and Liam are going to be at the old house with Harry tonight and getting him ready for tomorrow while Callie and Gemma stay here and help me get ready. Lydia is coming to stay tonight too and offered to help set up for the wedding. Dale is coming too, which I haven't seen in months and I truly miss him. He's the main connection I have to Birdie since they were close friends.

There's just one last stepping stone I have to cross over before tomorrow, talking with Howard. I'm talking with him about my book which is basically finished minus a couple chapters but also to truly talk with him. To figure out fully why he did what he did, why he abandoned me with Martha, why he decided to find me at the diner I worked at, why he offered to be my publisher just to be around me instead of being up front about being my dad. I also need to say some things to him.

I don't want to guilt trip him so to say but he deserves to know how I felt all those years before I found out he is my dad. All the shit I went through as a child that no child should ever experience. Not excluding the fact that he's dying and this may be the only chance I have to get to know him, even if he doesn't deserve it there's truly no more harm that can be done to me. I've lived through madness and chaos so if it's truly shit then so be it, I don't need him in my life and he doesn't need me.

Harry offered to drive me and I gladly accepted because I really don't want to do this alone, but Harry is going to wait outside Howards office instead of coming in with me so Howard and I have privacy. In the bathroom I curl my hair and put on minimal makeup, still looking professional even if this conversation is more personal than business. I put on a thin white turtleneck shirt, throw on one of Birdie's cardigan's that's a dark forest green with colorful mushrooms embroidered on the sleeves on top of the shirt and pair it with a long golden beige skirt. Lacing up my Doc Martens and grabbing my laptop, my book notebook and my purse I head downstairs.

Harry hands me a coffee made just the way I like it and also made me a breakfast sandwich, "are you sure you are going to be okay in there?" He asks me as we both sit down at the table.

"I'm sure. If I'm not okay or want to leave then I will just walk out of his office."

"Okay. Are you going to invite him to the wedding?"

I swallow my bite of food before answering, "I'm not sure yet. Do you think I should?"

"I think that's your choice to make. If you decide you would like him there then I have no issue with him coming but if he just talks some shit and is an ass then no don't ask him. I just want you to be happy and I want tomorrow to be everything you want it to be. Tomorrow is already perfect for me because I'm marrying you."