Nightingale

five

"Hi, I'm Parker and um I'm 3 days sober." I sigh and look down.

"Hi Parker." Everyone at the meeting greets me. Robots.

There's couple new faces since the first one I went to in this very high school gym. Actually the only familiar face is Gemma who I sat next to again. I gain a weird look from her since she knew I was a year sober. Also she came in today with a different tall man.

Clearly it's not Frank because this guy has incredible hair and I mean it, like what is this man using to make his hair look so soft. He's leaned against the wall by the entrance of the gym wearing all black. Blacks long sleeved shirt and tight black skinny jeans with a few rips around the knees. He also has a pissed off look on his face so clearly he's not interested in the meeting. Dark and moody. I honestly can't take my eyes off him. Am I in a trance or something? I realized I haven't said anything else because I've been staring at this man so I let out a weird cough and run my hands through my hair before I continue.

"Last week I came to a meeting and I was a year and 2 months sober. I uh, had a really bad day after that meeting. I tried to flush the rest of my pills but the compulsive need to just have everything quiet kinda took over." I look back over to catch a glimpse of the irresistible man but now he wasn't alone, someone's standing next to him. He's almost as tall as dark and moody but not quite. The guy next to him must have said something funny because he tucks his lips into his mouth and brings his hand up to hide a smile. Fuck I'm staring again.

"Anyways Saturday I flushed all the pills I had and now I'm here because high me isn't who I want to be." I sit back down and once I do Gemma puts her hand on my knee and rubs it as a way to say she's sorry. I give her a small smile and turn my attention back to dark and moody who's now staring directly at me. I quickly divert my eyes and start to pay attention to a man in his 50's who's 5 years sober today. I want to be like that, to be able to say I'm 5 years sober would be a dream.

The meeting goes by fairly fast since it's now 5:15 and we have to clear out before school starts. Gemma stands up quickly and walks out of the gym and two men that were waiting for her quickly follow her out. I need coffee. I'm cold as hell.

I stand up and head to the table in the back and grab a cup and pour it half full. I take a sip and it's still the familiar shitty NA coffee but anything warm will help at this point. See drugs are fun but what no one tells you is that they fucking suck when you aren't on them. Your body doesn't function properly one minute you're sweating like you just worked out for 4 hours and you get a fever then the next you could be out in the 100 degree Californian sun but be freezing. You get depressed too, feeling like if the withdrawls don't kill you that you will kill yourself because the pain is unbearable.

I've gone through this more than once so I know what to expect but that doesn't make the pain any more tolerable. I walk towards the gym doors ready to just lay down or maybe take a shower.