A Little Bit Yours

Chapter I - The Dream

Sussex, England, 2021

The sun comes shining through my window, I mentally regret not closing the drapes after sneaking in last night. I can already hear voices coming from downstairs letting me know that my father and brother are probably getting breakfast started. 

Today is my first day in my new high school, which only wants to make me continue to sleep and ignore that this day has arrived. I can hear footsteps up the stairs and I just know that my expectation will not be reality. 

"Josh?" A soft knock is hear a second before the door is open and I can see my brother's face peaking through. "Are you awake little brother?" 

"If I say no, will you go away?" I mumble and bury my face in my pillow, denying all thoughts of existence. "You know that I won't." A small laugh escaped my brother's lips and he opened the door further and sat down on my bed.

My brother Samuel has been living in Sussex for about 7 years now, while me and my father stayed in the United States where we're originally from. He was the one who convinced us to move here after the ugly divorce between my parents. One day, my father got home earlier and found my mother in bed with his best friend. This day is engraved in my memory and I cannot seem to shake the image of getting home shortly after and seeing my father in tears and my mother and her lover, who up to that point I considered family, apologizing and saying that it wasn't what it seemed.

"I know this must be hard for you, Joshy. But you cannot avoid this moment forever and hold on to the past." I felt my brother's hand on my leg while his gaze averted mine. "It's hard, it sucks. You must know that things weren't already the perfect illusion our parents made it seem, hell, that was the whole reason why I left in the first place."

Samuel had decided to leave the US since he always had wanted to move to England, he liked his options better here. In any case, I do believe him when he says that this was also one of the things that made him leave the country. Our parents played pretend for a long time ever since my father was recovering from his drug addiction. He did get better and he did become the man we knew he could be, but I guess that my mother never really got over it.

"I know but I don't like change, I don't like to have to move across the ocean just because someone else fucked everything up." I immediately push the covers off my body and get up from bed. "Don't worry, I will shower and be downstairs in 10 minutes."

My brother leaves the room and I head to my private bathroom. As the water washes over me, I keep thinking about how much this is my mother's fault. I have cut all my connections to her and won't even begin a conversation that is related to her. Like I said, she didn't really recover from what happened to my father, but she could've just asked for the divorce. There was absolutely no need for her to go and do what she did, and ruin the rest of the happiness or normality that was left in our family.

The only thing that I was happy about was the fact that I got to reunite with Samuel, as he had always been a big part of my life, I would even say that he's my best friend, shit, my only friend for that matter. Samuel is older than me and he was the one to enroll me at my new school, since he teaches music there. He is an amazing piano player and he does enjoy teaching kids very much. 

I put on black jeans and a white t-shirt with my black converse and grab a grey hoodie jacket because the weather here can change at any given moment. With my backpack in hand I head downstairs and the smell of fresh waffles fills my nostrils. My eyes observe my father and brother sharing a laugh over probably some idiotic story that my brother is telling about his kids at school. If anyone saw this from the outside they would probably think that this was the portrait of a happy family, when it's far from that and I doubt it will ever be.