A Little Bit Yours

Chapter X - The Other Side

Ella's POV (Point of View)

Sussex, England, 2021.

Play Exile by Taylor Swift & Bon Iver.

I'm left alone in the front steps of my house watching him leave. I can't control the tears that roll down my face and I sit down for a moment. All my dreams of a future with Josh were completely shattered from the moment he walked away. It hurts me more to see him leave now than it did when he left 6 years ago, as I was filled with hope that he would come back when now I know that he won't.

That's the thing about Josh, he's one of the most stubborn people I know. When he makes his mind about something it's impossible to change it and I know I did it once but this time it would be impossible. I obviously don't want to give up on us but he's giving me no choice here and he gave up himself.

Samuel steps outside calling for us and finds me sitting down completely destroyed. He sits down beside me and wraps his arm around my shoulder pulling me to him. I rest my head on his shoulder and start sobbing, feeling completely overwhelmed by everything that happened on the night that was supposed to be one of the happiest one's of my life.

"What happened, Ella?" He asks concerned, clearly taken back by the state I'm in and the fact that his brother isn't here. "J-J-Josh, he l-left. We broke up." I manage to say it out loud and if that's even possible, it only hurt more to put those words out in the universe.

"What do you mean you broke up?" Sam holds me tighter as soon as I start to cry again. "It's going to be alright, Ella, you guys always make it through, don't worry."

Caroline steps outside and asks what is happening. I don't hear Sam say a word but something he must have done because Caroline sat on the other side and embraced me as well.

I managed to calm down and we eventually went inside. Samuel told me that Josh texted him saying that he was at Harry's house and he said he didn't mind to postpone the trip for tomorrow if I wanted to go talk to him and try to work things out. I denied his offer and we grabbed our bags and put them in the car. I sat down on the backseat and pulled out my phone. I hesitate for a moment but then make up my mind and text Harry to ask how Josh is doing.

Perhaps we should take some time apart this weekend and speak about it next week to see where we really stand, maybe it will do us some good. Harry lets me know that Josh isn't doing well at all and that he hasn't stopped crying ever since he showed up at his door step. This breaks my heart further, I don't know why but I figured that I would be able to get over this quicker if he was doing fine. 

We spent the weekend visiting a bunch of places and I know that Carol and Sam were only trying to make me feel better but I couldn't help but feel like a third wheel on their romantic weekend  that was meant to be for the four of us. I occasionally texted Harry for updates to see how Josh was doing, although I'm sure he wasn't doing the same for me. He tells me that he's staying over for a couple of days until he manages to be on his own again. Harry says that he's genuinely worried about him and the state that he's in. Part of me wants to run back to Sussex immediately and hold this man that owns my heart like no one did. The other part knows that it could make things worse, which is something that I definitely don't want.

When we get back in town, I make several attempts to contact Josh but none of them were responded. I even went to his house but his dad said that he wasn't home and that no matter how much he wanted to help, Josh really wasn't in a good place and he didn't want to do anything that would push him back to his old ways. 

Since I had no luck in his house, I tried to go to Harry's and he apologized a lot but said that he couldn't allow me to go inside without permission from Josh. That's when I knew that I had to drop the subject and not pursue him anymore. I showed him that I wanted this to work, I tracked him down ever since I came back from London and he simply doesn't want to see me. If that's the way he wants things to go, then I will do what he wants. If he wants to talk, he knows where to find me.