Porcelain, I'll be the greatest fan of your life (Marianas Trench Fanfic)

Chapter 21 - Perfect Disaster

Josh

'' And i'll be your crying shoulder

I'll be love's suicide

And I'll be better when i'm older

I'll be , the greatest fan of your life ''

I wiped my tears off my face while the crowd was screaming like never before. I was really vulnerable at this moment. It was so intense. I waved at the crowd and got out of the stage. Tonight, in Lethbridge, I decided to cover our song. Me and Ashley's song. I had to do something to bring her back to me since what happened. Seeing her yesterday, so heartbroken, it was hard.

Last night, when Ashley came back to talk to me, she was scared. She was scared for us. But especially for me. One of her biggest worry was that I turn into the person I was a long time ago. Tomorrow, she was heading back to Vancouver. The tour would be like a break for us. She want to think about all this and see how it goes. She can't stand being around me all the time for now so I guess I'll have to respect that.

All I want, is to go and kiss her. Tell her how much I love her. But i'll have to wait. Because I did something wrong. I guess i'll have to learn from my mistakes and face the music.

Ashley went in the bus right after we ended the show. So I went backstage with the guys. They were really pumped. The show was really great, even if my head was kind of somewhere else.

'' Man that was rad !!'' Ian said, jumping around

'' Yeah it was. '' I said, half-smilling

'' Ahh come on Josh! Be happy ! You have to get in the mood for the rest of the tour ! Come on, let's go outside and meet fans, this will make you happy'' Mike said

So I changed my clothes, drank some water and 15 minutes later, we went outside to see the fans. There was so many of them around the bus. I spot Ashley in the ''crowd''. I guess she couldnt make her way to the bus with all those fans.  When the fans saw us, they came in our way to get pictures.

'' Can I get a picture with you and Ashley ?'' A girl asked.

'' Euh... Yeah sure. ASHLEY, come here please. '' She came to me, I put my arms around Ashley and the girl and we took a picture. I think she was not feeling good. She said to my ear : 

'' I'll go to the bus ok ? '' 

'' Ok can we talk later ? '' 

'' Sure... ''

So after we did some pictures, we headed to the bus and I went in the back to see Ashley. She was in her pyjamas, laying down and listenning some music on her laptop. I closed the door so the guys won't hear us. I sat beside her, putting my hand in her hair. She looked at me, barely smiling and took her earphones out.

'' I loved your cover tonight ''

I took her hand.

'' It was for you '' 

'' Yeah, I figured out. '' 

'' Ashley can we at least talk a bit before you leave ? Please. I don't want you to go like that. '' She got up and looked straight to my eyes

'' Josh, don't you think i've been very strong since the beginning ? The first time i forgave you but now ? What do I have to do ? I dont EVEN know. Like I tell you yesterday, i don't want you to become who you were before. And for that, I need to stay with you. You know how much I love you. But damn it's hard. What tell me that you will not go back with her ? How do I know for sure ? 

Tears were running down my face when she said that

'' Because now I realize how life gave me such a great second chance ! You, the baby, my career. EVERYTHING. And if i come back like who I was before, all of this will go away. And her, she is a part of my past and I will NEVER love her again !! She destroyed me, like all the sick things i've done before ! You can trust me, i will never make the same mistakes again ! Because right now, I feel like i'm gonna lose you. And if I do, I could NEVER forgive mysellf ! .... I love you so much you cant imagine how.. ''

She was speechless. She tried to say a word but nothing went out. I kissed her forehead and went in my bunk, letting her go to sleep. I heard her sobbing. My heart was burning inside, but there was nothing i could do.

...

When we woke up, I got ready and put Ashley's suitcase in a taxi and went with her at the airport. Arrived there, we waited like an hour. I was holding her hand so hard, I didn't want to let her go.

'' You know that you will probably break my bones '' I smirked

'' Yeah sorry. I just dont want you to leave. How are you feeling today ? '' 

'' Better than yersterday. But... I'll miss you. ''

'' I'll miss you like hell, Ashley. And when I come back, everything will be fine, okay ? Promise me that you'll be there when I come back, promise me that you'll be there, taking care of this little raisin in your belly. Promise me that you will take care of yourself. Promise me that.. you will realize how much you mean to me. '' 

'' I am going to see the doctor this week, probly friday, for blood test. I'll let you know how it goes. I wish I had more weeks so I could see his little face. '' 

'' It will come soon enough, don't worry. '' She smiled,

'' I love you Josh. Even if we are barely hanging on. ''

Then she came closer to me and kissed me slowly. Ohhhh how I missed those lips. I felt one of her tears going down on my nose. I put my hand on her neck. After that, I layed myself in the corner of the bench and she came closer, sitting between my legs and cuddling. We stayed like that until they announce that the flight was leaving. No words.

We kissed goodbye and she left.

Ashley

'' So, according to your test, you are 4 weeks pregnant. Congrats ! I'll guess we will see again in couple weeks for your first ultrasound. I will call you in time to set up the next appointment ok ? ''

'' Perfect ! Thanks, Doctor ! ''

So I was back in Vancouver since sunday. Everything was fine, except that I was alway sick. But I guess it's normal.

All day after class, I was coming home, waiting for Josh's call before he was going on stage and relaxing with Bennie all evening. This dog was so cute. She was sleeping with me every night and when I am sad, she always feel it and come to me so we can cuddle

Every night Josh was calling me, the things were starting to go a little better. Shows were ending in a little bit more than 2 weeks. I am really excited to see Josh again, but this little break was great for us. I needed to see if I was okay in all this.

Tamara called me this week and she said that I was forgiving him too easily. She said that he didn't deserve it , but it was my choice and she was ok with it.

Talking with her made me realize that, indeed Josh did some stuff that are disgusting. But I need him. I need him more than anything. And I think I can trust him when he say that he will change. That he will become the one I felt in love with.

What can I say ? He is my perfect disaster.