twenty seven

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Two Days Later

Two days had passed, I'm back home in LA. I decided to stay with Aunt Lisa, I couldn't go to the apartment. That's most likely where Vinnie would look for me, if he even is... I glanced up at my reflection staring back at me, my eyes had dark bags beneath them and they were puffy; they were caused from sleepless nights of crying, I looked exhausted from the recent nights. My eyes just looked so emotionless, and no expression whatsoever... If I didn't know me and didn't know the situation I was currently going through then I would've never figured out what was wrong with me.

I've decided to cut all ties with Vinnie, I deleted our pictures even though it was very hard, I deleted our messages even though I easily gave in and read them beforehand.. I deleted his contact, I unfollowed him on every social media I would passed him on to get reminded of the pain and the humiliation that was caused to me, yeah no one's laughing but my head just makes it seem like they are.. To think I was gonna give him another chance.. after that kiss we shared.. As the thought passed my mind, my heart stung badly, as a crying gasp escaped me as the heartache began to hurt physically... I let out a shaky breath that's been held in for the longest.

As I broke down I laid beneath my covers, I didn't have no motivation, no energy, nothing to get me out of this... Trust me I know y'all are tired of me being a sulky baby.. you'd understand if you've been hurted before, lost your inspiration for a motherhood and to help you overcome your lowest. Oh yeah being stood up too..

I wonder if this is why mom never worried for relationships, cause of this. Feeling like complete shit, feeling worthless, feeling like it's the end of everything... I really should've been smarter about my past choices. I wouldn't be in this sad bullshit if I just listened and put my focus on myself and my future.

Huh, my future.. my conscience repeated, hmm, a thought popped into my brain, an idea. Maybe I can use this heartache and make my desired dream come true I mean I've always put it on the table but always only called it just a thought, I feared that if I make my desired dream come true it would fall apart. I always put myself down about it but how would I know if I never tried it out, if I never make it come true. I sat up digging into my bottom nightstand drawer getting my sketchbook, I flipped open to an empty page. Ever since I was a kid I've always loved to doodle, I don't know where I got it from but it just made me felt at ease as I doodled random imaginary things only I come up in my head.

I started sketching out a girl, representing her as myself, then behind her I drew all the hurtful things that happened to me, Dad leaving, my first slap from mom, mine and mom's first argument, my first heartbreak, losing mom, getting stood up, just things that represented what went on in my past.

As my pencil was scribbling against the paper, filling in the empty spaces coloring in as it's a shadowy background as the hurtful memories floated around her, instead of being sad, the girl is smirking, her head held high, her sadness building her into a stronger her. I envy her, I wanted to be her. I looked at the time on my phone screen, it was 4:25pm. Val my manager is usually trying to figure out all my branding deals from different brands, Val seen something in me, she seen that I can be that model influencer, one that's knows what their doing, and support charities, and different companies that helps people and our environment. I honestly thought I wasn't enough for that, but maybe today will be different. I gotta start believing in my self, like others believe in me. I grabbed my phone and clicked on my contacts looking for Val's. Finally found it then I clicked on the call icon and pressed the phone speaker to my ear as I waited for her to answer, after the third trill she answered.

Analicia || vh - 29.7k Reads (EDITING)Where stories live. Discover now