Teen Idle❔Edward Nygma❔

26.Nothing Feels Right

So who am I? Why can't I find a place where I can feel right? Will I ever find a place for myself?

The thoughts resurfaced as I began to wake up. I had to down a bunch of sleeping pills just to be able to get some rest.
I was just smoking a cigarette when the news showed a recording.

Ivy appears on screen, "Plants love us."

I quickly turn up the TV.

"They give us food, shelter, the very air we breathe. But what do we do in return? Kill them. Because that's our nature. We cause pain. Everyone I've known has only hurt or betrayed me. Maybe I've always known in my heart what I needed to do. But I finally have the power to do so."

She turns the camera to a woman's dead body, flowers coming out of her, "I'm giving your city back to the plants. Starting with the people who hurt me.", she turns the camera back to herself, "So if that's you, your time is coming."

This made my thoughts worse.
I need to stop Ivy or do I? Do I even care? Do I go back to her? Do I drink and try to forget all of yesterday? What do I do?

I grab my arm as my thought start clamoring again, only to feel a sting. Somehow I had failed to notice the thorns growing on my skin. I was so shocked, my thoughts stopped for just a second, it made the thorns disappear.

Things couldn't get more complicated could they? What am I supposed to do?

Go to Arkham or at least that's what I did. I'm not self-admitting yet. Instead, I paid a visit to Queenie. I was a little nervous since it's been a while since we've talked.

"My, it's been a while hasn't it? Care to play a game?", Queenie asks, leaning back on her seat as she shuffles a deck of cards.

"I didn't know where else to go?"

"Things not working out with your old bestie?"

"How'd you know?" I ask, sighing.

"You did, just now." She tilts her head. "So, which friend is it? I have several possibilities." She flips the cards in her hand with her finger.

"All of them... apparently."

"Damn, that must suck... for you. Though I'm sure you're not here to share some drama with me."

"I just... I just don't know who I am supposed to be? I don't know what to do? Sometimes I don't even know what to think? What the hell is wrong with me?!"

"Well, your memory was taken away."

"I know that but now I have some memories back. And everyone still sees me as the person they expect me to be. Then Ivy wants me to be someone entirely different and I don't even know if I want that."

"Let me you something," she leans closer, "They would still see you that way, even if nothing had ever happened to you. But you have something the former you wished to have."

"What?"

"Options. You can...", she sets down a card, "be Rosabelle and continue trying to be whatever your friends see you as. Or you can," she sets down another card, "You can give up everything from your past life, start from scratch. And be an unhinged killer with darker than gray morals with or without Ivy." She sets down another card.

I shake my head, "I didn't-"

"But, you can also, keep parts of your past life and build something new with it. Keep what you wish and discard what you don't." She sets down two more cards. "Point is," she gathers all five cards in one hand, "they're all in your hand." She slides the cards to me.